You're right - seems like she's still incredibly angry. Even tho she may have chosen to D, she's mad at you for it. Time will help to lessen this. In the meanwhile, I'm going to go against the typical flow of advice on the board, and suggest that you get her something small but meaningful for her BDay. This is a form of taking the high road, and should help to lessen some of her anger.
Consider something just for her - like a massage certificate, or s/t that you know about her in terms of tastes/interests that not many others are aware of.
For now, both you and the kids are going to suffer from the fallout of the D, as she unravels a bit. Keep taking great care of yourself, and shower your kids with love as much as you can, offering to be with them more often to your W, not mentioning that it is to give her a break, but knowing that she'll need this time to do so.
Right now, focus on building peace b/t the two of you, trusting that a possible friendship may lead her back to you.
