Journaling:
D has been final for about a month. Thought I was done. I was busy getting my new place in shape, finding furniture that didn't clash too badly but was cheap (or free!). Still have boxes to unpack but I'm pretty well settled in.

But the unfortunate thing is that being settled in also means free time. Free time to think and remember. Found an old Juice Newton CD and played it. "Break it to me gently" brought a few tears. I started thinking about XW and my family. Sure, I see the kids a couple of times a week, but it doesn't take the place of the daily interaction. And I miss my XW terribly. It hurts even more knowing she has moved on emotionally and doesn't seem to care. Her concern only goes as far as how long it takes the child support check to get to her.

I saw her briefly a couple of times over the last 30 days, when picking up some of my tools from the house. I should have all of them moved by Sunday. No "how are you" or anything like that. She called once during the month to ask about a medical bill. When a change in schedule meant the boys wouldn't be home when I was supposed to pick them up, she had D18 call me.

I'm filling the empty time slowly, but not the way I would really want. I'm going to re-read DR, as soon as I find out which box I packed it in. But as much as I want to tear up the D papers and get my family back, chances look very remote at this time.

I'm a little down today but I'll work that out at the gym tonight. I just wish....