This is classic of the WAW. They will focus on the very worst moments of your M. They will also rewrite history to a great extent. they need that to justify their actions. anything you do now to try to "fix" her or the M will backfire on you (take it from a fellow engineer, I was doing exactly the same thing as you are). I even implored her to go to counselling. It backfired. She had so much anger the counselor actually threw us out after 5 sessions. This gave W the idea that the M was irrepairable. Later on she said "we tried everything, including counseling and it did not work". I dont think, if your W is in the anger phase, there is much that can be done except to validate her, do not defend yourself, be happy and upbeat around her (this is extremely hard) and do not pressure her. If you can, perhaps "engineer" a separation rather than a divorce. Then start DBing like hell. I dont know. That is just may take on it. You may want to talk to a DB coach to see what they say. Best wishes.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
