The major positive in our sitch is that H and ow have broken up, for good I think.
H seems different these days - before when he would say that he wanted to work on our marriage I was always sceptical and part of me would hold back. This time it seems different. I cant put my finger on it. I intuitively sense that he is committed. I am grateful for this.
On the other hand, I am beginning to clearly see my contribution to the breakdown of our marriage. Yes, I know I've said this before, but lately I've begun to understand my mistakes.
I've also begun to see H in a different way. I am more understanding of him and his actions and his motivations. H is truly a nice person - I wish I was the kind of person he could love. Not that I am bad, just that I am a different kind of person.
On the work front, things are really good. H and I are going to a conference in the States in March and this is something I am looking forward to. I have been given a lot more responsibilities and this has been great.
When I logged in today I wanted to post a more reflective and more detailed post but I just dont seem to have it in me. The past year has really drained me in many ways. I also get the feeling that the past year has drained H as well.
I look at all the threads in here almost everyday but find it so difficult to respond to any - I feel like I failed at my life and marriage, how can I even consider responding to someone else's post.
Enough excuses.
I think I would like to come up with a plan for self-change with a view to (dare I say it) moving to the Piecing threads by July - that gives me about three and a half months to try different things. I am going to think about my goals over the weekend.
Anyway, take care all. Belated happy, happy new year.
