I decided I needed a break and have taken time off work in a couple of weeks and am going to go away. I called H to check whether he would be in London that weekend so he could take care of our D and he said 'why are you going away alone? why dont we all go? whom are you going with - your internet friends?' I said 'I am going away alone'. He asked 'where' I said 'I havent decided. As soon as my plans are confirmed I will let you know.'

(It was very difficult to make the decision to go away alone as I thought that by not taking D with me, I was being selfish. But I really need to recharge and just take time to think and do nothing. Yes, I am being selfish.)

H then went on to say that 'you are like a different person, you're making all these plans and not telling me anything, as if you want to cut all relations completely. You are going away without telling me where you are going or who with, you want to rent the room out and not tell me who it is or how much they will pay you.'

I had this big smile on my face as he was talking because it is true - I feel like a different person now that I am taking charge of my life. I love this. I feel like me. I told H 'over the past seven years I tried to make myself into someone you would approve of but ended up burying myself. Now, I feel like I am appearing again and I am becoming me.'
I then explained that my plans were not firmed up as I was looking at the cheapest travel option and so the place I am going to is dependent on prices. The person I had lined up to rent the room (more on this, later in the post) is someone he knows and I told him who it was. The amount she would pay me is irrelevant to the discussion.'

A bit of background to the accomodation situation:
I have asked H to move out by the end of the month and he has agreed, seemingly. He does not seem to be making any moves to finding a new place however.

For my part, I have lined up someone to rent the second bedroom. I told H this yesterday and he was really annoyed. The reason for his annoyance is that this person is someone from his home country and he says that this way, everybody will know in his country that he is separated etc.

In my defence, I want someone I know and trust and this was the best option. I dont want a stranger living in the same apartment, especially as i have D4 to think of. It is unfortunate that H and this person are from the same country but at this point I have serious financial concerns and safety issues. I dont want to rent the room out to someone who might, legitimately, want to have overnight visitors. Since I am also looking for someone from the beginning of next month, this leaves me with little time to look for someone appropriate. When it turned out that this person from Hs country was looking for a room, I jumped at the chance.

Anyway I told H yesterday that I had someone lined up for the room and he was surprised and annoyed. He asked 'how much will she pay you?' I said 'why should that be an issue?' He said 'I will pay you that amount and pay child support and I will stay in that room'. I said 'this is not acceptable as I want to live apart from you and you staying here will not give me any space and also under UK laws, if you stay here, that would not be a separation and we would not be able to get a divorce in two years'.

H said 'if you bring this girl to live here, it will make hate you and we will definitely get a divorce'. I said 'that's fine'.

H said 'you think this affair will bring you happiness, but it won't. I also made that mistake, thinking we are not happy, our M is not good, the A will bring me happiness, but it doesnt work that way'.
I said 'I'm not having an affair'. He said 'your affair is different. You are having an affair with freedom. You think this freedom is what you want but you will regret it.'

Anyway, my biggest fear is that H will dig his heels in about moving out and this person will find somewhere else to live. H will then continue to live in our apartment until it suits him and then move out at his convenience leaving me in a difficult situation.

I suppose I should mention that when H came back and I told him to move out, he said, 'you havent given this a chance. We can still make it work. Come with me in October when I go to 'his country' and in November for the conference. You want me to be transparent - this is the way. I will do anything it takes for this M to work'.

The problem is I should not have to go with him to all these places to make sure he is faithful. He should be more sensitive to what is needed to make the situation better. As people we are simply too different and want really different things out of life and marriage to be good for each other. Ever since I made up my mind, I feel much better. Life seems more beautiful and possibilities endless. Even the thought of being alone in the evenings is not daunting.

Any thoughts or words of advice would be appreciated.