But, oh Lord, how hard it is to put yourself out there, naked and hurting, and open, and willing. On the one hand, I so admire people like Mr. and Mrs. Nop who've gone through this, past this, over this. On the other hand, how much can a person open, give, do, be for another who just is not willing?
I talked with my husband tonight: me asking, are you willing to work with me to save this marriage, and him being willing only to delve into past hurts, pain, wrongs, and not able/willing to commit to either working on it, or giving up.
So, we're still in limbo, me in financial chaos with kids, in more pain than I could have imagined. Still not knowing where he stands.
Won't say he's done, won't say he'll work with me. Just finding more ways to hurt me, make me feel small.
"I'm sure you THINK you're trying as hard as you can." "I'm sure you FEEL like you're giving your best."
My brain and heart are in total mayhem tonight.
Choc, aside from my current crisis, I wanted to say to you that you need to sort out what is low desire, and what is low desire of YOU. And what is low desire of YOU, versus what is low desire of YOU WHERE YOU ARE WITH ME RIGHT NOW.'
