Choc, If you are truly emotionally done, then why are you still there?
If it is for the kids' sakes, have you told your wife, "I am staying for the sake of the kids but once they are grown, I will likely leave, despite the fact that I love you very much." If not, why not? Don't you think she deserves to know what your plans are wrt her life?
Here's what I see from my vantage point:
You want to punish your wife.
I felt this way too; I'm sure all HD spouses feel this to some extent. I believe that you are holding on to the resentment started from the last pullback, and you are using this as your motivation to punish her (by withholding compliments and your desire and your sexuality) while simulataneously being the "good roommate" and all around good guy, so that she can't complain about it.
It is passively aggressive and is keeping you stuck. It almost seems as if you like this stagnation--cause you know it is punishing her--more than you fear the idea of tackling things once and for all. Like there are two scenarios and they both suck, but you will choose the one that punishes her because she caused it all to happen.
I'm not arguing that she caused the pullback, obviously she did, but I just think that you would be a happier man if you could have the type of life where no one is punishing and the "surface" marriage matches the internal one.
