Quote: Choc, have you told her this? Have you told her how much you are hurting and that you feel like you are the only one putting any effort into the R? She may know this in the bottom of her heart, but needs you to call her on it. Why should she put in effort if she either feels you are comfortable enough with the status quo or if she feels like the gap between what is and what you want it too large (two different extremes here). You gotta talk with her, and I'm not talking about what did the kids do or not do today or what Aunt Matilda said. I'm talking about you baring your soul to her. It is very hard to do, but without doing that I don't think theres a snowball's chance in He!! that she's going to feel your pain enough to be motivated to do anything about it. No, I wasn't referring to the snowball talked about on the other thread the other day either ...if that were the case, then it would be stated something like not having a snowballs chance of happening...
Yes, I have, but not lately. As I've posted previously, we used to have "The Talk" every six months or so, then maybe 1x/year, and then finally about four years ago, I had had it. I cried, bared my soul to her, prayed with her, basically just ripped my heart out and laid it on the table. I told her I could not -- WOULD not -- continue to live this way, and that rather than live in a platonic relationship every day, I was seriously considering moving out. She was remorseful, said she knew that she had been hurting me, but that she hadn't known what to do about it, and that when she gets "that way," her (admittedly illogical) reaction was to pull away even further. She apologized, made a real conscious effort to change, and for a blissful month to six weeks, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. And I don't just mean the sex, either, it was everything -- affectionate touches, kisses, sweet things she'd say to me, maybe making my favorite dinner.
She even promised me that "the old Mrs. Choclateeyes" was never coming back.
Two months later, it was back to the same ol' same ol', it has gotten worse since (we've ML 3x in the past four years), and I'm done reminding her of what I need.
Should I bring it up again? Most here would say "yes." Should I have IMMEDIATELY called her on her pullback four years ago? Even I would say "Yes!" But I didn't; I was hurt, and I was emotionally done.
We've been more like roommates and good friends ever since.
