Choc, I went digging into the archives on that thread and found a couple of quotes from you.
"I tried four or five times to get her to pick a weekend to do this; and she shot me down every time. I finally gave up."
"I guess I do set myself up for this, by "inviting" her to things, and then gauging her reaction, noting that she's less than enthusiastic about it, and then just backing off and giving up altogether. But how could I even enjoy myself if I'm knowing that I had to DRAG her there??!"
" I told her it might be nice to get away for a weekend, just me and her, and I'm sure the girls could watch the boys and we could figure out all the arrangements. She gave me a very unenthusiastic "yeah, maybe... but that would be complicated" or some such. I said something like "With four kids and schedules and all, I'm sure it would be, but like anything else, if you want it to happen, we could make it happen." She said "let me think about it," and then never brought it up again."
Maybe I'm misreading here, but it appears that in these instances you made plans to do something nice together, but left it to her to make the necessary arrangements for the kids and the timing. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, at least when things are normal.)
But things aren't normal. You want her to meet you halfway, but obviously she isn't going to do that right now. You step out halfway by making arrangements for the game, then place the ball in her court and she just stands there and doesn't pick it up, you then wander off the court with another owwie in your heart.
It's not fair, I know. I think my question is whether or not you can make the effort to go beyond what is fair or equitable for a period of time? Also, you'll have to let go of your expectation for her to enthusiastically respond to you and whether you can enjoy it if you have to drag her there.
I refer back to NOP and I when we began having sex regularly. I certainly wasn't enthusiastic, and I know that NOP was not enjoying it.
I think you may have to acknowledge and accept that the path out of your problem will *have* to go through valleys of unenthusiasm and over hills of unenjoyment.
You *can't* go from what you have now, to happy, joyous encounters.
You can't.
And as long as you keep expecting or hoping or longing to do so, I think you'll be hard-pressed to have any progress. You may decide that it is no longer worth the effort. I can tell you that to go forward is going to be painful, unpleasant and you will have to expose your underbelly. That's pretty hard when you're already worn out.
I think trying to figure out the deep recesses of your wife's heart isn't possible right now, nor do I think it a fruitful pursuit.
Sometimes emotions promote behaviors and sometimes behaviors promote emotions.
