I think when your relationship is fried and before you've made it to a better place, there is so much *discomfort* in the reconnecting. Especially physically for some folks.
I remember being uncomfortable with NOP giving me hugs. Part of it was because there was so many years of bad juju between us that wasn't being addressed. Some folks can obviously look past that to some extent, NOP and Choc, for instance. I was squirmy, giggly (giggling can be a result of nervous discomfort), stiff, etc. Which of course, telegraphed to him as Choc's wife does to him.
The weird thing about it was that I noticed when he wasn't doing it. When he had withdrawn from me. And I didn't like that either. If I tried to recreate what was going on inside, it was that I wanted things to be fixed, I didn't think they could ever be. I was twisted from years of resentment and bad memories/actions/events. But when NOP withdrew (and understandable so) I would get even more unhappy because it meant that the possibility of ever working this out became even lower.
I don't know how it can ever be resolved without pushing and arguing always with the goal of resolution, not just airing out ancient dirty laundry.
