Choc, you knew the options were limited on the initial response, right?
In your other thread, you talked about how much it sucked to have to continually ask for something as simple as affection. So, you eventually stop asking.
NOP used to tell me how beautiful I was when I was either nekkid, or had been slopping about the house and/or yard on the weekends working. When I was decked out to the 9s, it never made it out his lips. Didn't make sense to me and there I would be all doodied up and he seemed to be oblivious to it. And if he couldn't tell me when I was all Cinderelled out, then he must not really mean it the other times or it served some purpose of his and had little to do with me. (I didn't say it was logical).
Once we began working toward connecting again, we discovered we both had infected, festering areas deep inside. This was one of mine. NOP now makes a conscious effort to compliment me on how I look. When he forgets, rather than sull up and shove some more pus into a wound, I laughingly tell him something along the lines of "Now's your chance to tell me how nice I look before I change clothes and put on the knock around the house outfit." So, he forgets sometimes, but he loves me and means well, so it's not something for me to get all hurt about anymore. KWIM? In the past, everytime the opportunity came and he didn't take it, I wouldn't say anything and the internal infection got worse. And the distance between us increased.
Part two of this point. I'm from the south and saying "yes, ma'am" to your elders is ingrained. My daughter, in her youth, decided that this was not something she cared to do in response to me. When confronted with her lack of proper response, she would say "I forgot". So, I would encourage her to remember the next time. Finally, one day I realized that this one had been going on unresolved for some time. The next time it came up and I got the "I forgot" I told her, "Okay, so say it now." Silence. She couldn't/wouldn't bring herself to do it. But, we both realized the truth, which was she didn't want to say it.
I had told both of these people what I wanted. One was willing but forgetful (and factor in broken relationship) and one was forgetful but not willing.
Which one fits your wife?
I know you don't want to put yourself out there anymore, but requesting a hug, or a compliment, a back-scratch and seeing what response you get will help move you forward. If you get a good hug or a lackluster one, then you can address it. Or when requesting a back-scratch, you get the evil eye of f*ck you, then you can address that.
A battle plan is needed. Silence has reigned so long in your relationship, that you don't know what's really there beneath the surface.
