If he doesn't remember a time when we were hot to trot, then how is this attributable to those things? All he remembers about those days is that I was more horny.
Of course I was! I didn't yet realize that I would be in charge of bringing the heat for the rest of my life. I really believed that he would step up to the plate eventually. MrHP loves me. Adores me. I never in a million years thought that this would be so difficult for him. Apparently it is more important to him to keep himself "covered up" (a la Cinemanymph's description) than it is to meet me halfway.
CN, by the way, I asked him about this revelation when he got home that night and he said, I said what? Oh I meant that I "hold back" at work. I don't think I do it in our marriage.
I was bummed OUT, mama!
Anyway, back to you GGB, the truth is that I have become less hot to trot over the last year. I am getting that sluggish, I give up, resigned, ho hum attitude about me. The prospect of our sex life no longer seems fresh and invigorating. It seems like, Here we go again..I gotta bring it all and he will then snap to life like some deranged rubber band.
Being a woman and being faced with a lifetime of namby-pambyness from your MAN is a bummer that I can't seem to shake lately.
HOWEVER!! I should note that I am journaling and venting here and this is not the tone of our time together at all. I'm giving it until the job stuff settles down and his ego has a chance to restore itself before I heap any more shiit on him. We are having fun and enjoying each other.
He is in an interview as I write. This job is close to home, 25K more than what he makes now, and for a company that makes lots of useful stuff like Lysol, etc. (gotta love that when you have little ones right!) It would be an incredible blessing if he gets this, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up.
At any rate, yes, it is disillusionment. I am disappointed in him that he can't find it in himself to show desire, and I am disappointed in myself that my own pride will prevent me from being the heat-bringer for the rest of my days. What a waste! Coupla stubborn idiots, we are.
