Gee HP, You missed a golden opportunity to discover your hidden exhibitionist side...you coulda used them 4 hours parked in traffic to shock the neighbors (and your H)
SO tell me, would you have been attracted to your H had he been more aggressive when you met??? Or would aggressiveness perhaps made him come across as an A$$ that you wouldn't have been interested in? This sounds like a basic element of his personality, something that is not likely to change, and something you may not like if it did change, KWIM?
You guys are doing so well, I'm sure your relationship is the envy of everyone here.
Baffling isn't it? The whole "devil may care" traffic manuever seems so manly, so decisive and so indicative of a man who would have that attititude in other areas of his life. My H is baffling in exactly this same way. We came in from our date on Friday night and sat down to watch a DVD and he shooed every child big and small from the room because we were still having "Mom and Dad" time. Yet, he is unable to shut things out of his consciousness, or his life on behalf of sex with his W on a normal Wednesday night a great deal of the time.
I was out of town all last week. Talked to my bf on the phone every night-- he told me he loved me and missed me. Got home Friday afternoon. That night I went to bed, as usual, around 11 pm. He sat up watching tv and fell asleep on the sofa. I got up at 1:15 am and saw him there, but didn't wake him up. He came to bed about half an hour later. Missed me, huh? (And yes, we've talked about this a zillion times. Usually when I head for bed at 11, he'll say, I'll be right there, and get there around 1:30. If I ask him to come with me, he'll say, he just wants to finish this movie, this download, etc.)
HP... Once again we are living tandem lives...this weekend H and I were faced with differences in our personalities and communication styles, and I found myself having imaginary convos with Hank! H is very laid back and likes a "pleasant" tone in the house; I like the drama of some verbal banter. H grew up in a repressed, controlled environment, while in my house, there was always some expressive show going on. I know I was attracted to my H's quiet, calm demeanor, but sometimes I just feel the need to discuss things, and when I don't get the reaction I seem to feel I need, I escalate.
I am working on respecting H's basic nature and figuring out a compromise, but I don't know what that looks like yet.
I am glad you and H got to spent some QT together.
Quote: SO tell me, would you have been attracted to your H had he been more aggressive when you met???
He was more aggressive when we met. This new and improved H is due to many years of throwing himself into his faith and conquering his temperamental tendencies.
I am glad that he has mellowed--he was controlling and jealous to the nth degree when we were first together. However, he seems to have mellowed to such an extent that he is a shell of the MAN I knew.
I must say, though, that his tendency to say "I like whatever you like" has been there all along. In fact it is part of him. He is famous for the following scenario: He goes out to eat with a friend, coworker, boss, etc. The other person orders their food and H will say "I'll have the same". He doesn't want to take the time to figure out what he does want and, well, the other fella's food probably sounds ok to him. He does this with me, too.
But...to answer your question, yes, he was much more aggressive in the beginning. We talked about this on our date, how he acted while in the USMC and how he is now. Quite a contrast.
Quote: But...to answer your question, yes, he was much more aggressive in the beginning. We talked about this on our date, how he acted while in the USMC and how he is now. Quite a contrast.
Was he sexually aggressive in the beginning? I seem to remember your saying you had to make the first moves.
Yes he was sexually aggressive. Up to and until he started getting super involved with church. Then he mentally checked out of our marriage and his desire went with it.
Now he's back in the M, but his desire has taken a hit. He chalks it up to the kids--and this may be the case--but I am leery to agree to a mediocre sex life for the next 20 years, kwim?
He has agreed to a workup at the endocrinologist and was the one who suggested it. His hair falling out rapidly (within the last 6 months) has him weirded out. So we'll see what that turns up, though I am expecting normal results.
Hi Ellie, Since you are so knowledgable about thyroid problems, I was hoping you could answer a quick question for me.
H has many of the symptoms of thyroid problems, as do other members of his family.
Lately he has a strange odor about him. Not body odor (in fact, I've never smelled him sweaty in the 11+ yrs we've been together), but more like strong breath odor. I am embarrassed as all get out to even write this, and I will DIE if he sees this.
This is not like him and it came on suddenly. He is under job stress but is not visibly "stressed out". He's sleeping okay (as okay as he ever does, that is). I am baffled by the sudden change in his 'smell'. In addition, his hair started falling out a couple months ago (?? not sure when that started, we have small kids and I easily lose track of time).
At any rate, can you tell me if this is a sign of thyroid dysfunction? I looked on the usual thyroid sites but couldn't find anything. Some of your posts have given me more info on thyroid problems--and specific symptoms that he has--than these so-called expert sites.
His hair falling out rapidly is probably normal. While I had thinning hair from when I was about 18, I lost most of it between the ages of 35 and 40, and probably the bulk of that within about a year. I've lost very little more since I turned 40. What's left is starting to turn grey tho!
Guess what I am saying, is yeah it doesn't hurt anything but the bank account getting it checked, but don't expect to find anything out of the ordinary.
So would he respond to you spicing up the sex life at all...maybe not to the extreme of sex in traffic, but you know what I mean?
Oh yeah, the hair falling out and change of body odor could just be heavy stress.
The problem is: I am trying to get OUT of that system. As a woman, I do not find it erotic whatsoever to be "in charge" of sex forever and ever, amen. To determine the frequency..to have to remind him when it's getting too far between ML..to suggest everything that we do...to tell him "hey I've got a sexy outfit on, look at me" etc etc.
Do you see what I'm saying?
A little aggression from him--or at the very least, him acting like I have something he wants--would do wonders for our situation. Him acting like he could take it or leave it until I press the issue is NOT.
Last night, I gently said that our frequency--which has slipped to about once per week--is not doing it for me and can we please try to up it next week? He said, Well we can do it right now if you want me to be DEAD TIRED tomorrow. I waited a moment and said, I really didn't like that response. He agreed that he was being a jerk and said that next week would be better.
