GGB, are there "undercurrents" from your wife during sex? Are you picking up a sense of martyrdom or something? I can understand you having some difficulty if that is what is going on.
Let me share a bit about my situation.
I'm LD, and have always been as far as I can recall. I have no deep hurts from abuse, I have no past bad sexual experiences to cripple me, as far as I can determine I don't have any emotional/mental disabilities that impact my sex drive.
Let me share some of what I have gone through over the past two years. I've read numerous books. I have had visits with doctors where I detail my difficulties. I have had several blood tests that all come back within the norm for the various systems that impact sexual drive. I have taken various herbal remedies. I have taken various "supplements" (up to about a dozen a day at one point). I have watched porn. I have read porn and other less explicit, yet titillating, material. I have thought sexual thoughts. I have tried to whip into flames the occasional twinges I do get. I have diddled myself. All trying to awaken or give birth to or strengthen what little sex I do have.
And at the end of it all - all I have to offer is my heart, my openness, my willingness to keep plugging away at it, my vulnerability, my occasional laughter and occasional tears at my inability.
What I can't offer is horny at any ongoing, detectable level.
I can't tell you how crushed I feel at times to read here and know that without the horny - it's not good enough. I have to take my fears of that to NOP. Although I get assurances and reassurances, underneath it all is a bruised spot in my heart that sings softly in deadly whispers that it doesn't count, it isn't good enough. If NOP had ever given me a whiff that he agreed with that, I don't know that I would ever fully recover in the relationship.
