Update: I think Cemar may have been onto something when he said that MrHP's reaction to initiating is off and he should seek out sex therapy. While I think that's a little extreme, I will say this: MrHP is more afraid of initiating than I ever realized. Last week we had sex on Thurs. Nothing on Fri night and by Saturday I was rarin to go. We had had a lovely time together on Fri and Sat so that really got me going. When H is home on the weekends, I usually enjoy him so much that I inevitably want to ML. Usually he views this time as his "relaxing" time and he'd rather watch a movie, etc. We climbed into bed late Saturday night and were kissing and touching. Then he fell asleep. I was disappointed and, well, disgusted.
I woke up in a foul mood. I did my best to shake it off but remnants of it were clinging to me all day. The lightbulb moment came when I thought to myself, I wish he'd stop avoiding this..it's been brewing all day. Then I realized, DUH, I'm avoiding it too by being just a little standoffish and cold so that he knows something is wrong. I'm playing a GAME here and waiting for him to come to me. He aint the only one avoiding, in other words!
I was SO happy with his next words: "Why didn't you say anything last night??" I was expecting the usual "What's the matter?" etc, when he knows darn well what's the matter. I rarely get mad or irritated with him and this is the only sore spot we as a couple even have. It is ALWAYS what's the matter. So the fact that he jumped right into it without playing the usual game made me feel so good and so proud of him (for some weird reason). All of my resentment just faded away, right then and there. The kids interrupted and we did not get to finish our convo.
A little while later we talked it over and I explained to him that he fell asleep on me which is why I didn't "say" anything. He blurted out, "I really wanted sex last night. But at the same time, I felt so scared and I couldn't go through with it." HP: Scared of what? MrHP: I don't know...Unless I know that you really want it, I just can't proceed with it. HP: But I usually want it, right, so I don't understand where the 'fear' is coming into it. MrHP: I even laid awake, later in the night, wanting you, but I couldn't do anything about it. HP: Why don't you just say something if you feel too scared to DO anything? MrHP: Yeah I guess I could do that. (sounding as if this is the first time I've ever mentioned this)
Then we dropped it and went on to have a lovely day and night together.
Yesterday he started his new job and it is the worst job he's ever had, bar none. Isn't that the pits. He was describing the conditions and my eyes kept getting wider and wider, it is such a dump. Poor MrH, is all I have to say!
Life goes on, I guess is the moral of the story. I was surprised how fast and easy resolution was to this last bump in the road. THAT felt good. There are times when I feel really positive about this fact and then the other times I lament the fact that we are STILL having the damn bumps crop up.
