Pop! There goes my bubble. Oh well. What shall I do? Send them clippings of apartments for rent and Ikea catalogues? A gift certificate for a romantic getaway?
Why cant they end it cold turkey? Why does he tell me its over when it doesnt look like it? I dont know what to do right now....should I ask him about it or just let it eat me up?
I feel for you hon. I know exactly what you are going through. With all the DBing, PMA's, GAL's...that we've learned we are finally at the stage of our sitch where our WAS are ready to work on our M. Great..right? Well you would think. Now comes a different set of fears and doubts. My H did the same thing. Said it was over when it actually wasn't.
Listen to NY and Dodger's advice. There is nothing you can do or say right now. H has come to a crossroad where he wants to work on the M but yet OW is pressuring him to come back to her. My H went through the same thing, needless to say he left our home BUT he is not living with OW as he did in the past, which is good.
Just be patient with H struggling through this. As you know the A/OW is like an addiction and he will be going through withdrawls. You may not want to hear this but be prepared for H to make contact with OW. I wish they would give up OW cold turkey and return to the loving, adoring H we fell in love with. But this is not the case.
Don't let this eat at you. I know it's easier said than done.
Hang in there...
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
Thank for the advise. I have been really trying to stay positive but I feel really distraut today. I feel like crying. It hard when Hannah is up a lot during the night...having to be here at work at 545a...I am starting to feel like I have no time for me. I dont mind anything that goes on with my Hannah but sometimes it overwelming when I have no assistance. Then I think that H is out doing whatever he wants without any thoughts of what is going on with us. Okay I just spoke to H...he said that he is going to need to move out of his sisters...he needs to find a place. We are not going to be able to do all of this. He hung up on me because of what I did...here it goes....I asked H why he didnt call me last night...he said he didnt feel like it. I asked him what time he got home...he said that he got a room down the street from his sisters....WTF! I asked if Melinda was with him....he said that I am psycho and that he is turning off hs phone so that he doesnt have to talk to me.
That sounds guily to me!
He has a home to live at....Ours He cashed a check that is for him to work on his car to pay for the room. He always lies so why am I psycho.
I am at my wits end....cant stop crying...I feel dead!
Don't let H's actions or reactions get to you. Right now he is going through a lot of stuff, i.e. fight with sister's H, giving up OW, and who knows what else. (Is Melinda the OW?) The best thing to do right now is let H sort all of this out by himself. I know you want to get answers to all the questions you asked him, but if you did would you believe the answers? I used to ask my H the same questions and when he gave me the answers, I didn't believe him. So don't put yourself through that turmoil.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
BQT, stop, take a deep breath. As usual, your H is messing with you and you are taking it even further. You know nothing, and even anything you did know... you can't change. All you can change is how you react to all this. I know I sound like a broken record, but you have to detach. Immediately end any conversations that go down this path. If he starts being rude to you, calmly say that you aren't interested in being spoken to that way and will speak with him when he is being civil. Don't try to find out anything about OW - treat her as irrelevant. Treat yourself the way you'd treat a beloved friend in these circumstances... take yourself somewhere nice, forgive yourself for any mistakes and try to make yourself happy. Your moods are too dependent on the externals of your sitch. Be happy within yourself and pity your idiot H and his idiot OW and all the drama they are inflicting upon themselves.
BQT, re-read DR "when they refuse to stop the affair." My w is actively dating OM and I will not ask one thing about him or her plans. I am acting as if it is not happening. Stop asking him so many questions. Make OW irrelevent.
Please print out what Anna just wrote, fold it up and carry it in your pocket. When you start feeling like crap, pull it out and read it. I have nothing to add, she pretty much summed it up.
Please don't take this as mean, think of it as a little tough love. But you have posted many times with the same situation. He does something to really piss you off and it kills you. It sends you spiraling into hell. On the other hand a few hours later you are posting here all happy and flirty and feeling like you are on top of the world. THAT'S GREAT!! Don't let him take you down off the mountain top. It's not worth it.
Again, print it out. Carry it with you. End of story. Do it.
I agree with all of you. I am sick of being sad. I hate that I allow some stupid idiot to ruin my entire day. I try so hard to detach and I do a good job until he plays his game of not talking to Melinda(OW) and I dont know what it does to me. I dont show him my anger and frusteration but I allow all of you to see it. I apologize to you for that.
Kay.. I do hate all of this turmoil...I do wish that I could have instant answers but do understand that it isnt going to happen. I just hate that he has been gone three months and really doesnt know what he really wants...so wishy/washy.
Waw... Its so hard to act as if OW isnt in the picture but I guess that I have to in order to have happiness. Its even harder when the who*e keeps trying to contact me to make me feel crazy and the all of the things that she makes up to H. I agree with you too that I have to do this.
Thank all of you for support...I really dont know how I could exsist without you. I can and will be a strong person. Hello mind...move over heart.
Anna... Thank you! Your words are inspiring and instead of moping I am Going to...(not try) to be happy and be the teflon that NY tells me. I didnt force him into this mess with OW...it was his choice. I dont need to put up with his drama. I am going to take your advise.
D... I am really a happy outgoing person that can get along with anyone. I love tht you give me your tough love...thats what I need. I do understand what you are saying about being down and the later being me again(flirty and friendly). I think it takes me a little bit to understand what he is doing to me and then I realize I cant allow it so I promise I dont have two personalities. You know that I love you and your tough love...you big meany
Dear Blonde, well aren't our sitch's similair. My H today has blamed me for his R not working out with OW can you believe that.....I am feelin just like you pi$$ed off to the max. I am so upset and angry I can barely function, but have come here vented on my thread and started reading others to try and calm down and it is slowly working. This site would have to be the best thing ever for all of us and think how lucky we are to have it. When you think about it our H's without their OW have nothing, nothing at all and it is there own stupid fault. I think this is a lesson they need to learn for themselves and there is nothing we can do to make it better. We have to sit back let them be ar$eholes and wait and see if they come crawling back and if they do we need to see where we are at and whether we want them back. Until that day comes I think we can only look after ourselves and our kids. As NYS says we are responsible for our own actions and cannot control WAS's actions so we shouldn't try. I just wanted you to know I understand how you are feeling and how upset you are they have a wonderful way of making us feel like $hit beneath their feet and I guess that is our 1st 180 not to let them make us feel like that. We have both slipped off the horse and need to jump right back on even though we feel like we have been kicked by the same horse. Hope you are starting to feel better and you have good friends on this board, Anna, Dodger and NYS always have pretty good advice......Keep strong.....DKD
Well, You might be happy with my behavior...esp you Anna and DMF....I did my own thing last night with Hannah. We stayed at Hannah's babysitters house and her kids were there...(my age) we had beers and margaritas and a great taco Wednesday....we had a blast and Hannah got to play with her little friends. It might not sound like much but it was great. During this time I left my cell phone in the car and had 11 missed calls from H...of course no messages. I felt good because he was wondering. I do know that H was with OW on Monday night...my gut instinct tells me so...but I cant do anything about it. I am trying to move forward and be happy and positive....I have a busy day today at work. Some 53 foot truck backed into our fence and tore down the fence. I am now waiting for the cops because it looks like things are missing in the truck yard. I am disputing with the alarm company that when I called this morning they saw that the alarm went off at 4am this morning but didnt feel that it was necessary to call me...this is the fun part of being an operations manager at a trucking company....I love to investigate.(gee...I went off a little there);-)
So I will keep all of you posted and hope that you have a wonderful day.
Anna...I am going to fake it until I make it. Being happy that is! Thanks a lot! When you fly down here for DFM...we are going to go out and have some drinks....Avery and Owen will love Hannah and vice a versa.
