Quote: H hurts my feelings because Hannah wants her daddy and he makes time for everything else except her.
Wow i have to tell you this I have 3 kids and my youngest 3yrs is Hannah also. Out of my kids she is the only one that says she wants Daddy (the other 2 say they don't want to see or talk to him cause he only thinks of himself and what he wants!!)your H sounds like he's in the same place as mine is right now. It's all about them and too bad about everyone else including their children. My H is nasty with his words to me cuz he knows i take to heart all that he says and then i feel bad. I then am busy blaming myself for everything and it takes the bad feelings he has for what he's doing off of him because then i'm so busy trying to make things better for us, because of course i don't want him to get any angrier so im trying to make everything right and him happy again. It's kind of a sick game that they play with us and our emotions. My H has even told me a few times that he's sorry and that i didn't deserve to be treated like that so that he can reel me back in and then slap me in the face again. I think it makes them somehow feel better about themselves and what they are doing.
My can be nice as pie too me also if he needs or wants something from me and now that im putting this down for you to read i thinks it becoming clear to me that he does this to see if he still has the hold on me to have me and the OW and it shows him that im still not strong enough or have GAL so things can just stay the same "the way that he wants them to be....the best of both worlds!!!"
Quote: I did say that by his actions it looks as if our marriage is goin no where...he said thats fine with him.
Another realization i'm just having by hearing you say this because i say it too is.... it doesn't have to go anywhere because by letting them treat us this way we are letting our M stay this way...exactly the way they want it to...a W and a OW...that's what they are wanting right now!!!
We both need to GAL, be strong, detach and do a 180 in order for their behavior to change at all and to make us feel better about ourselves and more in control of our situations!!! We can do this together and then at least maybe it won't feel so lonely and scary which will make it easier
Hope i've helped you a little bit because reading your sitch has given a whole new light to my own. Thank you so much and i'm hear to cheer you on should you need it! I know i do!
Well everyone I ended up not going to the fair last night but I went today. Saturday night was a little weird...H called again and said that he wanted to see me and Hannah...so of course I gave in and we went to dinner with his sister and had a nice time. Afterwards we talked a little about his attitude lately adn I told him that his moods switch faster then the wind. He said that he agrees....then he asked if he could come over and I said sure. We got along good and had no R talks. Sunday...H new that I was going to the fair with Hannah and he said that he would like to go. I said okay and we went...we were on this ride kind of like a ski lift and we look down and see my aunt and cousin and friends(these are friends that hate my H for what he has done and one of the friends works at the same company as OW)they didnt see us but H told me that it looks as if I am embarrassed of him. I said that I am not embarrassed to be with him but that I know that they think that I am stupid for still trying and I didnt want to deal with all of that today. It did put a damper on the day a little but we made it through it...but left shortly after. On the way home it was okay and then the wind shifted...out of the blue...H got really grumpy and said drop me off and I dont want to spend anymore time with you today. It hurt me a little but I said fine. Then I asked him what was going on. I told him that without communication we cant get through problems. He then told me this...(wait one second I forgot to tell you all something. Last night his phone was vibrating and I told him that he can answer it and go into another room to take it and he said no and then it buzzed that he had a voicemail) okay now back to the story...he said that he has told the OW that he doesnt want to talk or see her anymore..and that she keeps calling him because she doesnt believe him. I asked what made him make this decision and H said that he needed to do this to work on us. I then of course aske if he thought that he was going to be able to do this and he said yes...and then hugged me. I think that makes a lot of sense with his mood swings lately but I still dont know if I can believe that he can really do it. I am not getting my hopes up. What should I do or say now? Any suggestions?
SBS.. Thank you for stopping in and checking out my post. I am sorry that you are going through this and of course I think that we can do this thing together. I believe support here really helps me get through things. I am here for you too!
Blonde, my W told me several weeks ago that EA was over. That lasted about a week and then it was back on. I'm not trying to be cynical at all, I would just caution you to make damn sure before you go to far. Good luck!
I hope that all of your days are going well. H is still being himself. Nice one moment and rude the next. He has a short temper lately. I know that if he really has gotten rid of the OW...it doesnt happen over night and it is like a drug...you have to let them break the addiction...and just pray that there isnt a relapse. What is the best way to deal with all of this? Then I have to deal with will he want me and will I want him!
Yanno, He probably is confused himself and when he reacts rudely he could be looking to push your buttons so that you react and make his decision for him, one that alleviates his guilt over making the "wrong" decision. That is, if you tell him to f*ck off and leave, then you're the meanie and he was right. Soooo, the "best" thing may be to detach, let his rudeness slip off your teflon, and not give him any fuel for his fire.
I agree with you completely...I wish that I could believe that he will stop completely but unfortunately I know how she is and that she will do anything to keep him. This will be the hardest and most challenging part. Can he do it forever? I can't make up his decision...but then I must ask myself that if he can do it....will I be able to trust and accept him again...if it comes down to it! This is so confusing. We will see if he calls or contacts me tonight....I will keep you posted.
I know, I know, I go through that too... it's a normal concern, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it and not a minute sooner. If we ever get to that time where now we really have to answer that question, it could very well be that the answer will come easier.
