Quote: "Yes, I am envious because you are taking this trip with your sisters. You know that is how I am, so why do you do things that make me feel this way?".
Though this is not a desirable response to a fun vacation with just the girls, your H is being honest with you. That is more than some husbands would admit. "What, me jealous, I'm not jealous" and then proceed to dole out punishment while pretending not to feel envious. There is an opportunity here to pose some questions to your H. (1) Why do you think you feel that way? (2) What are some things you think you could do to aleviate that feeling? (3) What are some things you have been longing to do that you have put off? (4) What inner resources do you have to tolerate feeling jealous?
Maybe he is insecure about his own ability to form relationships and is projecting that on you. You know, for some people, it seems so easy to attract and cultivate friends. That apparant ease makes their difficulty that much more frustrating.
If you leave him with some positive things to think about while you are gone, he may find some ways to enjoy your absence as well as welcome you back with some enthusiasm. If he makes some effort toward growth, he will feel more in control, more able to handle your absence as well as make an effort to provide a special homecoming for you.
I know you are exasperated, I have dealt with the same issue of my H being jealous of my friendships. He has made me choose him or them at times throughout our marriage (ex. Pearl Jam was playing on my birthday last year, friends bought tix and invited me to go, H threw such a fit that I ended up doing nothing on my birthday). There has been long stretches of time when I didn't talk to or see any of my friends (I have no siblings) because I did not want to deal with his jealousy, his feelings that surely if I was out with friends I would cheat on him. Trying to convince him that I just needed to do girly things with my friends didn't seem like the effort. It is lonely not being able to connect with the women who mean so much to me. Sad, but true, this is where I get my female perspective.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
