I was just joking. I was a virgin til college though I always sorta knew that sex was a huge priority for me. I wanted to remain a V until marriage but I couldn't see getting married young just so I could get some action.
Quote: I was just joking. I was a virgin til college though I always sorta knew that sex was a huge priority for me. I wanted to remain a V until marriage but I couldn't see getting married young just so I could get some action.
I chose to start having sex when I was 15. My thinking was along the lines of "I want to have an exciting career and I don't want to get married or have kids until I'm about 30 and I'm sure as h*ll not going to wait until I'm 30 to start having sex so I might as well start now."
As you can see, I've always been a great rationalizer.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: I guess his hermit habits vs. my need for at least some sociability and change of scene are just another thing that doesn't bode well for our relationship in our upcoming empty nest phase because he has the tendency to feel abandoned when I do go out without him.
So I was riding down the bike path like a maniac this evening with The Pretenders on at max volume and I was thinking about your husband . Probably because it's a break from thinking about my wife, who, like your H, also hails from the Land of Angst.
Your H doesn't like people, but he doesn't want to be alone. Isn't it ironic? You are his lifeline to humanity. If he leaves you, he will be utterly and totally alone, without the inclination to reach out to others.
This is one of many ways that he needs you. It seems to me that his neediness makes him angry with you and loathe himself. When you come on here after a weekend blowout and your H wants a divorce, it always ends up a hollow threat. I guess it takes him 1-2 days for him to remember that he needs you.
He needs you, but he doesn't want you. You want him, but you don't need him. Isn't it ironic?
SM
P.S. Ignore everything I wrote. I'm probably just projecting.
P.P.S. I hope you were a good wifey and watched the Pistons game with H .
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
Why in God's green earth do you continue to F@#k with this guy? Porno? Not sexually driven. You seem to be an intelligent and motivated woman. your posts are sensous. Your H, as you describe him, appears to be a slug. You're asking a Clydesdale to run the Kentucky Derby!
Julie, you are a goddess to give him this much consideration. He seems to be a selfish man that is what my C terms a "penis lover". A lazy man that relishes ejaculation and the rest is necessary to prime the female, fluff.
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
Quote: He needs you, but he doesn't want you. You want him, but you don't need him. Isn't it ironic?
I think it might be true that our spouses feel more like they need us than they want us, but I doubt that is really the case. I mean what do you think your W would do with the rest of her life if you died or metamorphized into a bug a la Kafka?
It may be true that it is difficult to want somebody in your life when you feel like you need them in your life. By not encouraging or even insisting that our spouses to be the kind of spouses anyone would want, we are contributing to their dependency and consequently their resentment.
Quote: P.P.S. I hope you were a good wifey and watched the Pistons game with H .
LOL- I tried to but I fell asleep. I am sadly LD for sports. I keep meaning to take up gambling as a way to gain some interest so that my H and I can share a recreational activity.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: Why in God's green earth do you continue to F@#k with this guy? Porno? Not sexually driven. You seem to be an intelligent and motivated woman. your posts are sensous. Your H, as you describe him, appears to be a slug. You're asking a Clydesdale to run the Kentucky Derby!
I've always had a problem with my H rejecting me sexually. It's only recently that I've had problems with him expressing resentment about having sex with me. This is obviously happening because I am insisting that he stop rejecting me so much and initiate more often. Unlike many LD spouses described on this BB, I've always considered my H to be a good lover. The analogy I would use is a talented musician who for whatever reason has little interest in picking up his instrument. The fact that I am insisting that he play when he doesn't feel inspired is leading to some crashing chords of frustration.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Thursday night- Stupid fight because I slept through Pistons game followed by sex.
Friday- Fight because I was annoyed that my H didn't bother to call to get his testosterone test results and my H was annoyed because my sister left a phone message saying she had figured out a way I could come visit her in Alaska for a week. I lost this fight in practical terms but I feel like I won it because I didn't cave or over-react in response to my H's initial temper tantrum like tactics and therefore he was forced to make a reasoned verbal argument and concede several points in my favor in a courteous fashion in order to gain my agreement.
Saturday- Sex in the morning during which my H threw a minor tantrum. He came first and he wasn't sure if I had come or not. I indicated that I hadn't and he started to finish me off manually. After a minute or two tops, I indicated that I needed him to stop for a second because I was over-stimulated. This is the one way in which my body occasionally fails me sexually and I would say it happens about once in every 15 encounters. I don't consider it a big deal because all that needs to happen is that the stimulation stops for about 20 seconds and then I'm fine to start up again. My H has never expressed any problem with this either in the past. However, this time when I indicated that I needed him to chill for a bit, he collapsed backwards across the bed in an obvious fit of frustration, as though expressing "I give up!". Wimpy Jenny would have probably started crying when this happened and made the sich worse, but fortunately toughchickJenny showed up and had the singular thought "You are going to finish what you started, Dude. Anything else is completely unacceptable." though I expressed this thought in a nicer way. Anyhow, he finished me off and I ended up having a really intense orgasm. Afterwards, he had a chagrined look on his face as he said "I bet you would have better orgasms if you had a more patient lover than me.". I told him that I didn't GENERALLY think of him as being an impatient lover and figured "lesson learned".
Later that afternoon, my H took me to the beach and did something that was actually better than sex in my book- he played with me in the water like a teenage boyfriend.
Sunday- Nothing of note.
Monday- H unhappy because I told him he had to help my mother move next weekend. Wimpy Jenny would have let him off the hook, but Tough Jenny knew she would be annoyed and embarrassed because her sister's boyfriend was helping with the move and her lazy *ss husband wasn't. H later apologized for being grumpy about helping with move by saying "I am happy to do it for you, though I am not eager to do your mother any favors since she has "dissed" me in the recent past.".
I'm feeling pretty good after this weekend because I'm realizing that you win some and you lose some but the important thing, the key to success, is to not be afraid to ask for what you need/want to be happy in your relationship.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: the key to success, is to not be afraid to ask for what you need/want to be happy in your relationship.
Applauds!
The fact that guys "just don't get it and have to be told" what you want directly vs being intuitive to your, female needs, seems so "empty" and hand holding, like a youngster. Yet, here again is an example where you have to coax, demand, beg, or just plain ask for what you want and happiness follows. I too am learning thru the encounters of the ppl on this BB. Congrats to you JJ!
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
JJ... I really loved your last post; more specially, I love the confidence you have in your body and the assertiveness you showed. And that "playful" feeling at the beach is the kind of thing my MC felt was so important to have. You are doing great!
. Probably because it's a break from thinking about my wife, who, like your H, also hails from the Land of Angst.
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