Further evidence that my H is "bargaining in bad faith" with me as we try to resolve this issue is the fact that on the last two occasions we've had a fight due to an obvious display of resentment on his part, he has tried to "re-open negotiations" by defending his resentful tantrums by saying things like "Well, you wouldn't be happy if we were having sex once every two weeks which is what I want, would you?" in such a way that it is clear that he is looking for a response to his counter-offer. When he said this I actually did take a few seconds to consider if I could commit in good faith to having sex only twice a month if it would mean resolving the issue, but I had to give my honest response which was "No, I would not be happy with that arrangement.". I should note that my H did not recommit to our previous agreement of sex twice a week. He did commit to seeing a doctor about his testosterone levels even though this was not something I was insisting upon. Also, he has initiated sex 4x since this fight and he has been very pleasant otherwise, but my trust has eroded to the point that although this makes me happy it gives me no confidence in any future happiness.

Another thing that is sticking with me from this last fight is that in response to me saying something along the lines of "Well you used to blame your LD on the fact that I was overweight.", he said very angrily "Well, you were a fat f*ck, but you aren't fat anymore so I guess you don't have to worry about me saying that anymore.". I had an odd emotional response to this comment because OTOH it revealed some truly superficial pettiness in his nature but OTOH it revealed that he really doesn't think I'm fat anymore, despite his previous comments that I could stand to lose another 20 lbs. One of these days I'm going to post a picture of "fat" Jenny just so you guys can get a fair idea of how "repulsive" I actually was. I am really so over this issue that it wouldn't even bother me to be told by a jury of my peers that I was too fat to be f*ckable.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver