Let me try and explain my POV that I've been trying to develop on this thread by quoting something you posted to Choc.
Quote: Part two of this point. I'm from the south and saying "yes, ma'am" to your elders is ingrained. My daughter, in her youth, decided that this was not something she cared to do in response to me. When confronted with her lack of proper response, she would say "I forgot". So, I would encourage her to remember the next time. Finally, one day I realized that this one had been going on unresolved for some time. The next time it came up and I got the "I forgot" I told her, "Okay, so say it now." Silence. She couldn't/wouldn't bring herself to do it. But, we both realized the truth, which was she didn't want to say it.
By analogy, I'm from a land where men showing a certain sexual "noblesse oblige" and courtesy is ingrained. When my H does not respond or behave in this fashion, my cultural training informs me that I am being treated with disrespect. Where I come from when a woman goes to the trouble of cooking and invites you to the table, the only proper responses are "Man that smells delicious!" or "Coming, dear." or "I'm sorry I can't eat tonight I have malaria.". The only proper comments made on the food or its preparation should be along the lines of "This tomato sauce is an interesting change, but I think I prefer the white sauce." or "That apple pie was delicious. We should have that on a regular basis.". When the meal is over, the cook should be thanked and one should probably even offer to clear the table or help with the dishes.
The fact that I am a "gustatory woman" doesn't alter the fact that I am going to resent not being treated in what I consider to be a respectful manner. One could argue that I am being entirely unreasonable in my expectations in this regard as one could argue that it is unreasonable to expect a child to say "Yes, M'am" in this day and age, but unless you can tell me that you resolved this issue with your daughter by agreeing that she would say "Yes, M'am" half the time and "I doubt it, Mumso" otherwise, I think you'll see my point.
Of course, this analogy isn't perfect because I'm not my H's parent and I don't and shouldn't have authority over his behavior. However, I do have authority over my own behavior and I know I won't be happy unless I insist on being treated with a certain level of sexual respect by a man and I don't care if I'm being old-fashioned and sexist in this regard anymore than you probably care if you were being an old-fashioned authoritarian parent in your situation. If the fact that I am HD means that I am limited in demanding the level of sexual respect and consideration that I desire then I will not remain in a relationship in which I am HD. I am absolutely done with being "reasonable" and making concessions or compromising due to my H's LD. Not having a hearty appetite is no excuse for poor table manners.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
