Quote: My reply to that would have been "Yeah because most men care whether their female lovers think they suck in bed.". Maybe my experience is warped but I had 10 lovers before I was married and only one was a "Wham, bam, thank you M'am" kind of guy and trust me he didn't get a second chance. I mean even the guy who was a total Speedy Gonzales premature ejaculator liked to spend long sessions just kissing. This was true even though every one of my lovers was under the age of 25 with hardly a drop of maturity to share amongst them. I mean I had an 18 year old boyfriend who loved to draw the experience out as long as possible because that was his preference. He would tease me by saying things like "Do you want it now? Yes, you do but I think I'll just wait a bit." with his cock poised for entry.
BTW, were you just being funny or are you really starting to be concerned about your H's porn use again?
Hmmm...my H has never been a Wham Bam kind of lover. I wouldn't have known this about him after one or even one hundred encounters. If that is his preference - well, that is his preference. He is quite aware that it is not a style he can realistically adapt!
I wasn't really joking about the porn. I did have the fleeting thought that if he looked at porn, and them approached me for his quickie, it would leave me feeling used and I don't like that feeling. So I told him 'now or never' and then participated in his arousal, which is perfectly fine with me.
He looks at porn sometimes. For the most part, I don't care, but some days it does bother me. H and I have had a few little talks on the matter, I feel another one brewing. I think differentiation on this subject is a slow process. As a first step, I have stopped being reactive. As a second step, I am soothing myself when I do feel concerned, allowing myself to work through the feelings and try to clarify what it is about the porn that bothers me. I think I am closer to an answer - I feel a distinct lack of emotional connection during these encounters. What I don't know is how real that is, and if it just exists in my own mind.
During one of our recent sessions, I had a tough time getting into it mentally due to this reason. I finally told H that my mind was wandering, but I didn't tell him why. We slowed down, talked a little and I was eventually able to get back in the groove. This sort of thing doesn't happen often, but anytime it does, he is very understanding and willing to 'put me in the oven' for as long as it takes.
I think this is why I don't feel like I am compromising on quality. Regardless of what his preference is, he is considerate of my needs, and he does it with kindness and without resentment.
