My H has a sexual problem because his sexual preference would be sex about twice a month which consists of watching porn to get aroused followed by a quickie. This is a problem because only a very small segment of the female population would be happy with this preference.
My only sexual problem is that I am married to my H because my sexual preferences as described at length in my previous 2000 posts would probably be just fine with at least 50% of the male population.
I welcome any counter-arguments. Flame away!
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
In fact, I have had to really work on NOT speeding myself up. I would try to make myself as cooperative as possible, since he was the one having more sex than he wanted, but I found myself doing things that were not good for our M. Namely, I was becoming the female-weird-parallel-universe version of your H and using porn images in my head to get myself sufficiently sped up so that I didn't take too long with foreplay, or during the act. The problem with that is that it took me too far "away"..I was no longer present in the moment with my H and was, in fact, lost in these fantasies and not experiencing any intimacy with him whatsoever. I didn't like this, so I have tried to curb it. The result, as you noted, is that he sometimes gets frustrated with me because I want a lot of sex but HE is the one who has to "do the work".
Like you, I am easily and quickly aroused. He doesn't know how good he's got it. However, the truth is that if he were married to another woman, it is quite probable that she'd be LD and he'd then be so grateful to be having sex that he wouldn't care how long it took.
Lately, what he wants to do is skip foreplay altogether and go straight to the act, using Astroglide to make up for the lost foreplay. I am perfectly okay with this once in a while, but every single time aint workin for me. Then I find myself having sex with him and he's on level 4500 and I'm on level 2. He's holding off from coming and I'm like Ok this is starting to feel nice.
Anybody out there want to serenade JJ and I with a little "Slow Hand"? It would go great with our cheese and whine.
JJ I agree! Our husbands are the same in a couple ways...both prefer sex about twice a month. Also both prefer masturbation the other times of the month. Actually I don't know what I would do,or if I could handle it,if my husband initiated sex 4 timrs in a month. It has been almost 9 years since I have seen any frequency like that.
JJ and HP, from my male POV the slow to warm up would be a good improvement over no warm up and can we get this over with. I guess I am saying I know how left out one can feel if and when there is IC but the good emotionally connected or physical feelings don't get a full chance to develop when you do have sex. I assume other Sex starved spouses feel this way too. But my feelings are not helping you to solve your situations. Just agreeing it sux.
JJ post about the HDH feeling has to carry the LDW when he wants to go hiking is so true. I am glad you are making some mental progress figuring out Mr W.
You’ll get no flames or arguments from me. I’m nodding vigorously.
My H often says that I don’t enjoy sex, and that I just want the foreplay. This is confusing to me because I define sex as the whole shebang, and yes, I do enjoy it! To him, ‘sex’ starts when we get down to the main event that leads to orgasm. He too believes that everything else is a waste of time, and is exclusively for me.
On father’s day, when we went to bed, I offered H three choices 1. A backrub 2. Quickie sex ‘just for him’ 3. Both of the above.
He didn’t agonize over his choices a great deal, as you can imagine. He asked me if he could have the backrub right then and the sex the next day. I told him it was now or never, and he would forfeit the quickie. I didn’t want him looking at porn the next day, so shoot me! We had the quickie. Following this, he announced that if this was the kind of sex we usually had, we would be having a whole lot more of it. I told him that as I still got mine once or twice a week, he was welcome to have this as often as he wanted. (Can you say déjà vu?) He said that if he did that, I would soon start to have ‘headaches’. He also claimed that this is the way most men prefer it, although they know they can’t get away with it.
However, I have to admit that I used to reside at the opposite end of the spectrum, where I wanted tons of mushy foreplay before I would even let him anywhere near the erogenous zones. This was partly because of the low frequency, and because I was trying to milk each encounter, but it was also my naivety and ignorance, in not realizing that this was frustrating for him.
It has occurred to me that my H is not really low drive. He wants it a couple of times a week, and he told me as part of the above conversation that thrice a week might be good if he could have quickies. The reason we had no sex life wasn’t because he was LD, so much as because he was frustrated with the type of sex we were having, there were other relationship problems and we were both inexperienced and naïve, not to mention we were caught up in semantics about what ‘sex’ should involve.
It isn’t just that his sexual preferences are so different than mine. It is also that his whole view of sexuality is completely different than mine. Yes, this frustrates me. But I accept that we are just different. And you know what, Jen? Rather than rationalize endlessly, I’ve chosen to do what I can about it. As I have mentioned before, we have both made a lot of movement in our styles and preferences. Some encounters are ‘for him’ where we are quick and keep the emotional connection low. Some encounters are ‘for me’ where he slows way down, teases me about whether I have been pre-heating in the oven long enough, and we work on that connection.
In the end, I guess it doesn’t matter how different our sexual styles or preferences are. What matters is that we communicate them clearly, and then care enough about each other to address those differences.
JUlie I think that is great you figured that out and have something to work from.
My husband performs foreplay for a long time. I often wonder if it bothers him when he does. I don't expect it, but I figured it was just the kind of lover he is.
MrHP performs foreplay for a long time, also. He pretty much does whatever I want or need him to do, but the problem with guys like him is that he then gets resentful and I have NO idea about it.
The "astroglide instead of foreplay" was actually my idea to sorta level the playing field a bit, but he is turning to that a little too frequently for my tastes lately.
He simply does not relish the experience in the same way I do. Most of the time that is okay with me, because he takes care of me anyway.
Well I can say that despite the imbalance in the effort put into LM, I personally enjoy the extended foreplay immensely. I enjoy her body. I like the feel, the texture, the smell, the taste, … I enjoy pleasing her. It doesn’t have the physical pleasure for me that IC does, but it does give me both sensory and emotional pleasure.
Wham, bam, thank you, Ma’am is fine, but if that’s all you do you’re missing out on a lot.
Our husbands are the same in a couple ways...both prefer sex about twice a month. Also both prefer masturbation the other times of the month. 
Actually I don't know what I would do,or if I could handle it,if my husband initiated sex 4 timrs in a month. It has been almost 9 years since I have seen any frequency like that. 
