I think I have finally figured out what my H's sexual problem is ( Yes. I am calling it "his" problem and not "our" problem and the reason I feel justified in doing this is I know he was LD in his previous sexual relationships also). He said something to me after we had sex the other night that I initially found confusing. But it's been percolating around in my brain and suddenly it was like a bunch of puzzle pieces fell together and all the resentful comments he's made to me over the years suddenly made sense.
The problem is my H's strong sexual preference is to be thoroughly physically aroused before any physical contact is made and to orgasm as quickly as possible once contact is made. Therefore, if we have a sexual encounter that lasts 10 minutes, as far as he's concerned 9 minutes and 30 seconds of the encounter was strictly for my benefit. However, because he is an intelligent man who was not raised in a cave, he knows that his "Wham, bam" preference is not going to win him any points with the ladies, so he makes the effort to be a good lover from a female point of view but he resents it.
The reason it took me so long to figure this out is that I know that I am actually very "easy on, easy off" sexually for a woman so it never occurred to me that my really pretty minimal requirements to achieve arousal and orgasm might be perceived as a "hassle". Though if I take into consideration the fact that until the age of 22 my H's sexual experience was limited to MBing to porn, I guess it makes sense. He actually does prefer MBing to having sex because then he doesn't have to deal with any anxiety or resentment that might accompany the task of meeting the sexual desires of a woman and he can simply concentrate on the physical sensation.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
