In the last week my H has initiated sex with me not once, not twice, but 4 times! I am attempting to not analyze or make any future predictions based on this behavior, but simply regard it as a strange phenomena, like a meteor shower or manna from heaven, which I shall try to appreciate while it lasts.
The best thing is that when he initiated for the 4th time last night, I wasn't even particularly horny and I could tell that he actually was. Therefore, I was able to pull out the long suppressed part of my sexual persona that actually knows how to tease a man a bit when sexually pursued. God, that felt good.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I think I have finally figured out what my H's sexual problem is ( Yes. I am calling it "his" problem and not "our" problem and the reason I feel justified in doing this is I know he was LD in his previous sexual relationships also). He said something to me after we had sex the other night that I initially found confusing. But it's been percolating around in my brain and suddenly it was like a bunch of puzzle pieces fell together and all the resentful comments he's made to me over the years suddenly made sense.
The problem is my H's strong sexual preference is to be thoroughly physically aroused before any physical contact is made and to orgasm as quickly as possible once contact is made. Therefore, if we have a sexual encounter that lasts 10 minutes, as far as he's concerned 9 minutes and 30 seconds of the encounter was strictly for my benefit. However, because he is an intelligent man who was not raised in a cave, he knows that his "Wham, bam" preference is not going to win him any points with the ladies, so he makes the effort to be a good lover from a female point of view but he resents it.
The reason it took me so long to figure this out is that I know that I am actually very "easy on, easy off" sexually for a woman so it never occurred to me that my really pretty minimal requirements to achieve arousal and orgasm might be perceived as a "hassle". Though if I take into consideration the fact that until the age of 22 my H's sexual experience was limited to MBing to porn, I guess it makes sense. He actually does prefer MBing to having sex because then he doesn't have to deal with any anxiety or resentment that might accompany the task of meeting the sexual desires of a woman and he can simply concentrate on the physical sensation.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I am going to return once more to a theme for which I recognize that HP may be my only supporter. The theme being why it sux more or at least differently to be a HDW than a HDM in a SSM. Here's why IMO: If you are the partner who is pushing for more frequency in terms of sex than generally you are going to have to make concessions that will increase the quality of the encounter for your partner. If your partner is a woman, most of the time you will have to slow things down, spend more quality time and be more romantic. However, if your partner is a man, in order to improve quality for him, you have to do things like make yourself look hotter, be more raunchy or direct (for instance "grab it") and generally speed things up. The problem is that, IMO, for biological reasons, most women, even HDW are going to hit a wall of purely physical LD and end up frustrated if they keep trying to improve quality in this manner for their LDHs. This is because it just plain takes longer for a woman to become thoroughly physically aroused or achieve orgasm on average than it takes a man.
The hiking analogy:
A woman loves to hike frequently. She marries a man who doesn't like to hike that frequently. When she asks him why he doesn't enjoy hiking with her, he tells her that she hikes too slow and it's a drag having to wait up for her. So, in order to improve the quality of the hikes for her H, the woman has to figure out how to hike more quickly. Unfortunately, though she knows that she is a good hiker, her legs are 6 inches shorter than her H's and there is just no way they are ever going to be able to hike side by side unless he figures out how he can enjoy hiking at a slower pace.
I'm sure you guys will be able to come up with some sort of counter-analogy like having an extremely LDW is like having to carry someone piggy-back down the trail or something. So what is my point? I guess my point is that most men if they want to hike with a woman are going to have to slow down their pace a bit and most men are quite willing to do this because most men like hiking quite frequently and are unlikely to complain about the pace because that would be rude and counterproductive because most men prefer a hike in the company of a woman rather than a solitary trail run and therefore it sux to be me.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
