Quote: Hmmmm, I guess that would be a no . . . been there/done that.
pretty much in some form or another over the years.
OK, before I leap into suggesting more stuff you've already done. Let me ask you this: What do you think were the reasons for H. having an A.?
h's reasoning then? "it" was just never there with us...he had spent some time with her before we got married (but were dating) stopped seeing her because we were getting married but missed that feeling so went back..the just connected...she went to "bat" for him when some other customers were threatening to hire another company over a billing dispute...she had cancer and he never really knew anyone who went through that so it drew him to her...he never really said much about her...other reasons he gave...he was stressed...we had just built a new home and were planning to have another baby (he started seeing her a 2 months after we moved in or rather after I moved us in..he wasn't even available to help with son the morning the movers came and didn't pack or unpack a single box. and 2 months before getting preg with dd)
My thoughts on why h had the A...honestly...because he wanted/needed a connection as much as I did/do but just didn't have it with me...let's face it it's easier to be honest with the person your being deceatful with than it is to be honest with the person you're deceiving...it has been made aware to me now that h was cheating on me before we married always under the guise of I can't see you tonight I need to sleep of course. And of course there's the fact that he addmitted to spending time with her before we married but stopped...an indication that it was more than a friendship then? He never fully came clean about the A then and now refuses to acknowledge that time ever happend...it's just been swept under the carpet.
Not to dig up old painful crap, but if you can figure out what might have been the cirucumstances, it might lead to figuring out how to make things better.
The circumstances that make the most sense to me are that "it" just isn't there with me but there was "something" there with her...it didn't feel like a lie or an alien speaking when h talked like that back then...of course now he doesn't say that but then again he doesn't say much of anything.
Another question - what happens when you DO ask H. for help with the kids? I get an attitude from him. but for the most part there is no asking..he's just not home...he leaves the house at 6am doesn't return til 6:30pm or later often by the time he's home I've already given dd a bath and put her to bed...and son doesn't go to bed much after that usualy by then h is already aleep on the couch. He got caught in his A by taking ow to her cancer treatment and being seen...I went to post date preg tests alone he couldn't take the time off..granted that was during his a..but "post" A I had a problem with my eye and needed to go into boston (just like her cancer treatment) and he flat out refused to help me with the kids so I could go..I had to call on favors from friends...a bit warped don't ya think?
What happens when you go up to him and give him a hug?
I don't do that often anymore...too much rejection...on the rare occassion that I do his response is unpredictable.
What happens if you wake him up with a big kiss?
He gets pissed that I'm interupting his sleep.
Again, I am just trying to help . . .
I know that and I appreciate it...please try not to read attitude in my posts...I'm just direct.
