I'll chime in and say I liked your last posts better too LL.
Quote: in any case...I am looking for ways to make things better or to be certain it can't be made better.
I understood this from your posts both here & the other forum, but I think it's the first time I've actually seen you say this. I'm going to make a suggestion you probably won't like: if you are looking for ways to make things better, then perhaps the first thing I would drop is the "I've already done everything I can" phrase from your vocabulary. Are you willing to keep an open mind, a Beginner's Mind?
Quote: I come here for help because I don't really want to D...
Good! Then you've come to the right place. As I was trying to tell you on the other thread, this was not obvious from your posts. On this side of the screen what resonnated loud & clear was your resentment, and resignation that you had done all you could. LL, you have to really want to try to improve your R - otherwise I'm guessing the same frustration / resentment is just oozing out of you at home too - whether you're conscious of it or not.
Quote: I (personally) would turn up the "appreciation machine" regarding what h DOES do.
I agree with Sage on this 100%. What have you got to lose? Are you willing to make a one month experiment here and monitor results? Can you find ways to genuinely praise H. for what he does do, and just zip it (for one month only) about YOUR needs?
I think you're right when you say H. is capable of more - as evidenced by his former ability to have lunch 3x a week. I understand your anger & resentment about this. But I will bring up a point I read about affairs that I think is important to remember - in general they are NOT about the OW, nor about the sex, it is about the way he FEELS ABOUT HIMSELF when he is with her. When I read that I cringed - and let me say that I in no way, no how condone affairs or make excuses for them - but it got me to thinking about what I could do to make him feel good about himself when he's with me. And in my case, it turns out that WOA go a L-O-N-G, long way in getting me what I want.
So, LL, what will it be? Are you willing to try to turn up the appreciation & hold the requests for one month? one week?
