Quote: I'm not ignoring anything, LL. I do laundry too (sorting, washing, drying, folding, even picking his clothes up off the floor) and still manage to do it without inspecting his clothes.
SO, if in picking up a pair of underwear your h left on the floor you felt them to be crunchy you wouldn't wonder why they were crunchy and look? you can't be serious.
Quote: A crutch doesn't have to be a long term solution. It's often the thing that people will use to test out the waters, see how something will be responded to. If you're overlaying receiving h's "messge" with a "I can't believe he's using son AGAIN" negative feeling, all that's getting transmitted is that you're negative about his communication. Not a great incentive for him to keep sharing, IMHO, with or without the crutch.
I'd call three years a long term solution. It was cute when he first started doing it but the cuteness has worn off and I'd like my husband to direct himself towards me and stop using the kids as a go between.
Quote: Isn't it possible that his thoughts or explanation upon returning haven't stayed stagnant? He wouldn't be the first WAS to offer one reason and later experience another.
Sure it's possible but I'm not looking at his words I'm looking at his actions...the words were just there...and to be honest it wasn't just upon his return that he said it...he continued to say it. The man doesn't talk he hides behind "that's just the way I am" "I'm doing the best I can" eventually with enough push he will speak and I've heard it being about the kids and the house more than once.
Quote: I think you're linking things that may or may not be related. Your h's "I'm doing the best I can" doesn't necessarily have to correlate with an A...he probably does feel as though he's doing the best he can.
MAY or may not be...you're right it doesn't have to correlate with another or the same a...the point is "the best he can" isn't working.
Quote: So talking with him and telling him how you feel isn't working...that's not new. What other ways can you convey this to him?
If I knew do you think I'd be posting to this site? no I'd be off having a happy healthy m with him.
Quote: Why is doing your own thing equated with hiding in a cave?
it's not that doing your own thing means your in a cave but when night after night after night week after week month after month you continue to "do your own thing" and spend no time with your spouse it's like hiding in a cave.
Quote: I think I hear you saying that you've tried everything when h is in his cave (pulling, waiting, etc) but have you ever really stopped being pissed at your h, LL?
I stopped being pissed at h a long time ago...Now I'm just pissed at myself.
