Sorry you're having a rough go of it. I'm not sure what to say that will be particularly helpful...I think you already know my bent, right? Rough patches at home always lead to a re-reading of DR for me followed by a re-reading of Mars & Venus. The combination regrounds me, gets me back doing stuff that "works" (in my M, at least), etc. Throw in some meditation, a good dose of exercise and some QT with h (most likely just hanging out on the couch watching some sporting event!)...
Sage by now you know that I don't get QT with my h not even in the form of watching tv. What I do works for Me makes me happier but doesn't change the status of my r with h and THAT is the problem. He's happy as long as I'm happy and leaving him alone.
You probably also can anticipate my other thoughts...those around snooping (which I guess one can classify the whole underwear thing as, right?). It just created so many bad feelings for me...so much badwill that I KNEW I was creating a negative mood. Maybe it's naive (I'm sure some will say so) but again, it just doesn't work for me.
You are completely ignoring the fact that I'm a housewife...I do h's laundry...in sorting laundry you see/feel things THAT is how I found the underwear. I don't inspect it on a regular basis but let's face it if your sorting clothes and pick up a pair of underwear that are cruchy aren't you going to wonder why?
But, hey, this isn't about ME or my M, right?
No, it's not.
What gets you and h back on track, LL?
when I ignore all the signs that things aren't working and just pretend to be happy...but then realize things really aren't on track I'm just ignoring the fact that they aren't.
Let me say one other thing...there was something in an earlier post of yours where you were irked (maybe not the right word) when h told son he would be home and not you directly (or told him things would be less busy soon, or whatever)...I remember way back when you not being pleased if h would buy you flowers and have the kids give them to you...could you see your way clear to being OK with h needing to use the kids as a communication buffer?
It's not OK Sage.
It doesn't seem harmful for the kids and if it still gets the point across to you, does it really matter if he needs that crutch right now?
That's exactly the point! it's a crutch!
Or, is all of this more related to the point you recently brought up that you feel h came back only for son?
BINGO! he makes it pretty clear in his actions around here that his return has little to do with a desire to have a r with me and more to "do the right thing" "sacrifice for his family" etc. yes those statements are in quotes because they are words he used upon his return. When I try to talk to him about it he's got nothing to say but "I'm doing the best I can" "that's jsut the way I am" trouble is Sage those are the very same words he used when I expressed displeasure with our r and guess what he was having an A. Hey look, some women might be perfectly happy with raising the kids, doing the laundry, cooking, cleaning the house, and then spending every evening alone while their h falls asleep in anther room, it might be OK to them that on the rare occassion that their h wants to have sex he wont even kiss her, it might be OK for them but it isn't for me and if that's just the way h is well it's not good enough for me and well he sold me a lie when he came home because then he certainly had time for me. I don't complain to h anymore...don't question when he'll be home...don't complain when he's gone 12 hours and I don't hear from him...I do my best to let him be..but there does come a time when things need to be addressed..I do my best to not accuse but to simply point out how I feel about what's going on or not going on...when I do that I'm given no response or "that sux" or "I'm doing the best I can" or "that's just the way I am" or "it's a busy time right now" the only response that may seem valid is "it's a busy time" trouble is it's ALWAYS busy...if it's not fall clean ups, it's spring cleanups, snow storms, big projects, getting ready for snow, getting ready for spring, it's always something. It could be the dead of winter with no snow storms in sight and he'll still go to work (to do what I don't know) and then come home and fall asleep. About the only thing that comes out of a converstation about the lack of us is that he suddenly spends more time with the kids but as soon as they're asleep or it's time for football or foxnews he's gone...back down to his cave. I'm tired of trying to pull him out of his cave..tired of waiting by the cave...tired of leaving a trail of crumbs for him...tired of walking away from the cave and doing my own thing to suddenly realize there's someone hiding in a cave around here...I've been doing that for 15 years and I don't want to do it anymore.
