I'm at a loss.

I'm tired of the lack of relationship between h and I...what little there may have been seems to be fading fast.

H now no longer calls during the day...unless you count the call when he's on his way to tell us he's on his way and it's usually late.

when he does get home it's eat and then hit the couch to watch the news and fall asleep.

we still don't with any regularity and thinking back over the past year + during those encounters he doesn't even kiss me...always has some excuse (bad breath despite the fact that I bought those listerine strips to keep in his night stand, and when bad breath wouldn't be a factor he still doesn't and has made no attempt despite the fact that I've let him know it removes intimacy from the encounter)

I have a gut feeling (as well as having found 3 pairs of underwear spotted with manhood) that he is either involved with ow again or a new ow.

trouble is I cannot discuss my feelings about the r or my suspicions with him cause it'll get me no where.

I almost want him to be cheating so I can catch him eventually and be done with this scharade...but if I don't I'm still unhappy with the way things are and have no real way to change them.

I can put on a happy face and act as if but what does that get me? a happy husband who will still just fall asleep and ignore me.

last night he turned to son (6) and told him he's sorry for getting home so late lately that it'll be like that for another month and then he'll be around...son hadn't asked so why direct it at him unless of course he's the only reason you are here (I do feel like h only came home because he saw how much son was hurting while he was gone..the kid had just turned 3 and had a new baby sister piled onto the fact that suddenly daddy was leaving after he went to bed if he came at all) I then took the opportunity to ask him why he hadn't at least been calling us during the day..to which he replied "I do call you" "not until you're on your way home".

I'm lost...trying to recall exactly why I wanted him back...probably because I was 29 with two young kids living in a new home and didn't know what the future held. Well now I'm 33 and still not happy with my m and don't know what the future holds.

I feel very much like we both may have been better off if he just kept on his journey toward divorce.

LL