Thanks all for the replies. It is good to hear other more positive views of my sitch.
After hours of waiting, a hot iodine injection, and a few minutes of having my head in a crazy whirling contraption, I must wait some more to find out what is going on with my bod. Of course they gave no indication of when the results would be in. Knowing the doc, I will probably wait weeks if I don't call first.
W called me when I was on my way to the hospital. She wanted to tell me not to be scared or nervous, and to let me know that she thought everything would be fine. She made a similar statemnt yeasterday, regarding my prognosis. At that time I said, "At least you're optimistic about one thing." Today I just thanked her for calling and wishing me well. I asked if she still wanted me to call after the apt, and she said yes. When I called, she was involved in playing with SILs sons and their cockatiel. Birds and kids don't mix so well, so she was very preoccupied. I got off the phone relatively quickly. She said she was coming home tomorrow. She didn't say "planning..." or "should" she said she was. We shall see.
W made comments two different times regarding me "not trying to win her back" Yesterday, and the day before. The first time, I didn't say I was trying, I said, "There is no winning involved with this" and asked her what it would look like or seem like if I WAS trying to win her back. She couldn't answer that question.
As much as I would like to think that I can forgive her, I won't know for sure until we start to work on things. We will need to figure out the "when" first. The why has been touched upon, and is fairly well understood. The how is something else that we wil lneed to discuss. How many ways and times did she decieve me? How blatant and callous was her disregard for my feelings? There are many miles to go before we sleep, STS.
The grass over yonder is looking greener to me everyday. I am praying that W will come home before our pasture withers and dies.
