Lil,

This is a good question. In our relationship, I don’t see weight (either his or mine) as being a major variable in desire levels.

SM wrote:
Quote:

Men are initially attracted to a nice pair of boobs, or a flat tummy, or (as in my case) beatiful eyes and a great ass .



Lol, my H has told me this almost verbatim ! I’ve always been curvaceous, and H claims the first thing he noticed about me was my ass (awesome was the adjective he used, if I remember correctly.) His attraction to that part of me has not changed, regardless of any weight fluctuations! I have asked him if my weight gain (currently about 20 lbs, never more than 30 lbs) has affected him. He said that it does not bother him per se, however my own attitude about it does have a negative impact on him. Over the years, he has correlated certain behaviors to my general physical fitness. When I am feeling a little heavy or lethargic or ‘blah’ about myself, I tend to be more irritable, complain that it is too hot or cold, tend to avoid outdoor activity etc., and this annoys him.

I have always struggled with weight, both literally and emotionally, and H knows this. I am very insulin resistant and in fact, I developed gestational diabetes during my pregnancies. I am sensitive to carbs. I am also vegetarian, which makes a low carb diet difficult. I do my best and he respects this, and is very supportive of my time at the gym as well. The insulin resistance makes losing weight very difficult, but I guess I just have to do my best with the cards I have been dealt. He often says things like,” J, you’re not fat. You have no need to lose weight. Just keep working out though, so you stay at your current weight and remain active and healthy” Last week, he even told me that if he ate like I did, he would lose 20 lbs in 2 months. I’m grateful that he never brought the weight issue in to our SSM, though I have agonized over it regardless.

For my part, I think he is sexy whether he gains a few pounds, or gains a bit of a belly. He is a runner and plays various sports though he puts strength training at the bottom of his list. I encourage him to work out because I like arm muscles, but my attraction to him is not diminished in any way if he slacks off in that department.

I should probably add the caveat that if either of us was to seriously gain weight (over 50 lbs), it might be a factor. In both our cases, I don’t think we would be visually turned off as much as losing respect for the other if we ‘let ourselves go’.

Julie