HP taking care of 90+ year old women and getting used to some of their folds, eventhough not that much over weight, paints a picture in your mind, that the 50/60 year old body is not that bad if less than perfect. I guess you have to be past a certain age to get over the need for hot bodies. I heard there is a mental shift away from hot bodies to warm minds in some guys after they reach 45/55.
About your or anyones weight. I am not giving advice but offer my opinion. Does the so called extra weight effect your health? If so work on getting rid of the extra pounds.
Point two If looks were the grand prize and it took good looks to be a good mom, how many plain looking moms/wives would be wrongly disqualified?
The job pressures, office/shop politics, and feeling undervalued at work at times, unfortunately did carry over to my home life when times were tough. Here is hoping Mr.HP is going to be working where he is valued and paid appropriatly.
Quote: BTW, to answer your question, I think that dress compliments your figure perfectly!
Of course, this is the Best of All Possible Answers to this question!!
At 5'6" and 120 lbs. your W sounds absolutely perfect. It's very annoying (and somewhat incomprehensible) to those of us who weigh more to hear women of her size complain about being overweight.
Body image is HUGE in a relationship. For many men it does NOT bother them, but I also know men out there where physical attractiveness is crucial to a good sexual relationship. My wife is overweight and now feels that my desire for her is purely for sex from ANYONE. I only want sex with her. I also know plenty of men that don't care at all about their own bodies, and still think that their wives should have the hots for them.
Quote: Comments on the general relationship between body size and sexual desire
How about I ask the ladies this question from a woman's POV.
How does your mans size, height/weight influence you desire for him.
Would you post height and weight limits. or other things that would lower your or raise your sexual or physical interest.
Do women need skinny men to be happy? Also Hair on body/head, body shape, hands/feet, etc. What is a turn off or turn on.
Do women like/dislike men that are book worms, sports nuts, or anything else you can think of. (almost everyone likes dog lovers)
No prince charming lists please. I live in the real world and don't believe in princesses.
There are a lot of people who have some/many visual imperfections. I am hoping they are worthy of being in a loving relationship similar to who have almost perfect bodies. Fat, skinny, tall, short, and odd shaped people need and can give love too.
Quote: I've read that some women subconsciously become overweight because they don't want to be desired just for their bodies
JJ, may times I've wondered if this isn't at least part of the reason for W's weight gain. At only 5'0", the 120 she weighed when we got married was still chunky - but it wasn't until our SL floundered so miserably that she really got fat. I've often wondered if the fat isn't a way to avoid sex. If she's fat, I won't desire her, and she won't have to have sex. If that was a subconscious motivator, it sure didn't work.
If I am just purely judging a man's sexual attractiveness on the basis of physical appearance, I would say that the amount amount of fat I find acceptable is directly proportionate to the amount of muscle and perhaps body hair, he has also. Thus, I am attracted to out-of-shape ex-football player types and too-many-flapjacks-for-breakfast lumberjack types and any guy whose bigness makes him look kind of like a bear, but not guys who could be described as soft due to their overweight.
As far as height goes, I guess I follow a similar rule. I once had a lover who was only 5'2" but he was very sturdily built and very Alpha in personality. He was also one of the best lovers I ever had, perhaps due to the fact that his mouth was pretty much right at breast level when we had sex.
Of course, I am HD so I find myself attracted to men for all sorts of quirky reasons that have little to do with conventional standards of physical appearance. For instance, I once found myself strongly attracted to a guy who was not very good looking because he had the habit of combing the hair on his leg unconsciously while watching TV. His level of comfort with his own body was erotic I suppose.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I spoke to my husband about the obvious resentment that was building inside me re: this topic.
I had a dream the night that I posted that my H started working out again and had huge muscles. In my dream, I was very attentive to these new muscles..checking them out from every angle and becoming acquainted with his new physique. Then I woke up and saw my regular old H there! I decided to talk to him about my own fears and insecurities and failure at returning to my original weight and I also brought up that I'd really like it if he would take better care of himself. I knew this was a risky place to take the convo, as I really have little place to tell him how to look, but I tried to state a preference and leave it at that.
I realized that much of my resentment was coming from a place of: I take good care of myself in order to be attractive to him, but he does not reciprocate. He just trusts that my sex drive is high enough that it doesn't matter. This offends me.
Lou, To answer your question I really don't care about hair on his head, etc. All I want is for him to do the best that he can with what he's got. If he were the type of person to eat vegetables all day and work out all night and still be chubby, then I'd think chubby was fine.
I would love it if my H would: dress a little more fashionably, though this is sooo minor that I hesitate to write it; wear cologne once in a while; and work out to alleviate a bit of his skinniness.
If he did these things once a week, I'd be delighted. This is in no way an "every day" thing with me. I don't need or want a male model for a husband. But I would feel better if he would take care of himself, because that would send the message to me that he is trying to appeal to ME. He certainly did this when we were dating and first married, but somewhere along the line he decided to stop.
During our conversation about this, he did all the right things and said all the right lines (I have always loved you, no matter what size you are...and...Honestly, I wouldn't know the difference between a 6 and an 8...and, my personal favorite, I watched you all day and thought you looked hot) so I feel better that I got this little piece of resentment outta me before it really had a chance to fester. Now I just need to stop reading the other posts that make me pissy and jealous and I'll be fine!
Quote: I've often wondered if the fat isn't a way to avoid sex
It's hard to recognize your own subconscious motivations, let alone those of others. I've wondered if I purposely stayed overweight in an attempt to protect myself from attention from other men and thus protect my marriage. I still did attract other men when I was overweight, but my vanity prevented me from responding to their overtures. It kind of makes sense if you consider that I was never overweight until I had kids and I was unable to lose the weight until they were old enough that I felt less guilty about the prospect of divorce.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
This is a good question. In our relationship, I don’t see weight (either his or mine) as being a major variable in desire levels.
SM wrote:
Quote: Men are initially attracted to a nice pair of boobs, or a flat tummy, or (as in my case) beatiful eyes and a great ass .
Lol, my H has told me this almost verbatim ! I’ve always been curvaceous, and H claims the first thing he noticed about me was my ass (awesome was the adjective he used, if I remember correctly.) His attraction to that part of me has not changed, regardless of any weight fluctuations! I have asked him if my weight gain (currently about 20 lbs, never more than 30 lbs) has affected him. He said that it does not bother him per se, however my own attitude about it does have a negative impact on him. Over the years, he has correlated certain behaviors to my general physical fitness. When I am feeling a little heavy or lethargic or ‘blah’ about myself, I tend to be more irritable, complain that it is too hot or cold, tend to avoid outdoor activity etc., and this annoys him.
I have always struggled with weight, both literally and emotionally, and H knows this. I am very insulin resistant and in fact, I developed gestational diabetes during my pregnancies. I am sensitive to carbs. I am also vegetarian, which makes a low carb diet difficult. I do my best and he respects this, and is very supportive of my time at the gym as well. The insulin resistance makes losing weight very difficult, but I guess I just have to do my best with the cards I have been dealt. He often says things like,” J, you’re not fat. You have no need to lose weight. Just keep working out though, so you stay at your current weight and remain active and healthy” Last week, he even told me that if he ate like I did, he would lose 20 lbs in 2 months. I’m grateful that he never brought the weight issue in to our SSM, though I have agonized over it regardless.
For my part, I think he is sexy whether he gains a few pounds, or gains a bit of a belly. He is a runner and plays various sports though he puts strength training at the bottom of his list. I encourage him to work out because I like arm muscles, but my attraction to him is not diminished in any way if he slacks off in that department.
I should probably add the caveat that if either of us was to seriously gain weight (over 50 lbs), it might be a factor. In both our cases, I don’t think we would be visually turned off as much as losing respect for the other if we ‘let ourselves go’.
Quote: He said that it does not bother him per se, however my own attitude about it does have a negative impact on him.
Exactly. I wish W would lose weight. I wish she would take better care of herself. But her weight hasn't changed my desire for her. Her negative attitude about the weight does bother me though. I would have a hard time being attracted to (fill in your favorite sexy actress) if every compliment was deflected and if I had to endure a constant litany of complaints about how unattractive she was. As always, YMMV.
I’ve always been curvaceous, and H claims the first thing he noticed about me was my ass (awesome was the adjective he used, if I remember correctly.) His attraction to that part of me has not changed, regardless of any weight fluctuations! I have asked him if my weight gain (currently about 20 lbs, never more than 30 lbs) has affected him. He said that it does not bother him per se, however my own attitude about it does have a negative impact on him. Over the years, he has correlated certain behaviors to my general physical fitness. When I am feeling a little heavy or lethargic or ‘blah’ about myself, I tend to be more irritable, complain that it is too hot or cold, tend to avoid outdoor activity etc., and this annoys him.