Lil asked : sexual desire/activity/frequency as a function of self or partner's weight/body size/body shape. --------------------------------------- Desire is influenced by:
1. Desire/What I/she feel: My weekly preference would be one good ML session, one lets connect on an emotional level, and one quickie because something between us clicked. BB’s Desire would be about 2X to 4X a year, baring complications. Maybe her desire would be higher but too many little things diminish her desire.
2. Activity: My preference is full body contact IC with W on top to start with, lots of touching and kissing for 20 minuets. Then me on top to finish the 30-minuet event. BB wants to be on top, have as much stroking of her back as possible, not much IC thrusting, and not take more than 10 minuets for me to orgasm. The event is a back rub for her, a little sex for me, and hopefully some emotional connecting in the process.
Other positions that allow penetration and are not contortionist oriented, would be good/OK for me. BB has one and a half missionary positions. Her on top 80% of the time
I would like to do more eyes open type of things but BB does not play along. I do it anyway sometimes.
I would do clitoral stimulation digitally anytime or orally after a quick wash. BB used to be OK with touching there but shortly after my back surgery in 1981 it is a “don’t touch area. HJ would be OK. Anal is kind of a no go area. BB has no desire to touch her genital area except to scratch an itch or wash.
I don’t have to have BJ’s ( never had one, got licked once) and never would expect anyone to allow me to come in their mouth if that made them uncomfortable but that is not on her approved list.
3. What opportunities are available: Because of our differences, BB’s lack of interest in sex, and our timing differences, when I see opportunities, most of the time nothing happens unless I am persistent.
4. Body Size: Body size seems to be more a visual factor outside the bedroom. Sometimes I am not that excited looking at her body. I am sure BB would like a Tom Selleck / Magnum PI body but neither one of us would win a beauty contest.
For me, once I am under the covers and stroking her soft skin, the biological process kicks in and takes over. Feel and wanting to build that emotional connection takes over. The need to touch more body parts and to merge increases.
Big bellies and BB’s rolls of fat dampen the desire and cause a few position impediments, but the good feeling I get when stroking her smooth skin starts again and my erection and hormones urge me to continue. I especially miss the special, very intense feelings we used to share a long time ago, I guess I still feel that way a little or enough to try to have them again or what we do have, helps me to relive them.
The weight got this way over a long period of time so I have gotten used to it. We both do activities to lose weight and try to eat the right things. Portion control and eating too late in the day are still problems.
I see BB watching what she eats and see her working out, so the fact she is heavy is mitigated by her effort. When I see someone making an honest effort to correct something, they get points. I also see other women our age struggle with weight so recognize the condition effects many people and being heavy is not unusual. I have empathy for people with weight problems. I try to be realistic in what I expect others to look like.
----------------------------- how much does a guy's comfort with HIS body size/shape affect his desire (or is his only concern the size of the E ------------------------------ I am somewhat uncomfortable with my size during the day. I don’t go without a shirt. In bed my stomach flattens out and looks almost normal. I guess it is like a women that wished they had perky breast but have some sag when standing. When you lay down, no more sag.
My penis size did concern me at one time. Gradually I equated concern about my size, with the things I learned about women being concerned about their breast size. To many men, breasts do not have to be that big but women think men want or need big breasts to be happy. I made the connection, “If big breasts are not that important to men, maybe the size of the penis is not that important to women, provided there is sufficient firmness.
I also watched some sex shows on TV where women complained about pain during IC because the guy was too big. Gradually I got the point “bigger is not always better.” It’s the motion in the ocean, the emotional bond people develop, and it’s the match in equipment and desire that counts. besides, I have what I have and changes in equipment is not much of an option, I can slim down, tone up but thr "tool" stays. I am stuck with it.
------------------------- When these women were skinnier (if they ever were) were they more interested in sex? ------------------------- BB was 40 pounds lighter. And way more interested in sex.
-------------------------- guys would still eagerly ML to your wives several times a week after 20+ years AND even after they have put on a lot of weight... this is beyond my comprehension... --------------------------- Lil, what choice do we have? Go without? Find an OW who is heavy too (not too many ideal weight women that I see my age), find a woman that is thin and bitchy?? Go on the warpath and demand a W to be XXX pounds by a certain date? Have the mirror put in our face and have our faults held over our heads.
Just think like this: I like hot pizza. Yesterday it was hot. Today it is cold. Today I am hungry and the choices are cold pizza or bread. Cold pizza and bread are the only legal things I am allowed to buy at the store. I can look but can’t have anything else according to my contract. If I eat out, I violate my contract. If I pick up and smell other foods I am warned or punished.
So I try to warm up the pizza as much as I can. Sometimes it kind of gets luke warm. Some times the red pepper/imagination makes the cold pizza seem warm. I like to eat.
---------------------------- my second marriage for 10 years (which was fraught with physical problems including but not limited to complete impotence, kidney transplant, leg amputation, hip replacement). ---------------------------- Lil, You stayed with your H through all of his problems because of whatever reasons that meant something to you. I guess staying and empathy is built in to some people more than others.
In my case, I stay because of the history and work I/we put into the M. I give BB points for trying to lose weight.
I read the post of women on hystasisters.com that hate to be touched or have sex and have empathy for all women in that condition. I saw BB go through her cancer treatment and other medical procedures and imagine what I would be feeling if I had to switch bodies with her.
Its tough a lot of the time. I was hanging in there but as life goes on and feelings cycle up and down, I wonder if the pay off is worth the effort for me or BB. The more I apply what I read about in books and here, and feel should be things that make up a M, the more trouble I stir up.
Back to the weight and desire topic. If some of JJ’s attitude (from what I read here and imagine she would be like to live with, and her extra padding) about sex were to rub off on BB, the weight issues would be a minor problem. I also realize BB may feel bad about her weight no matter what I say, good or bad.
The problem I was having with BB’s weight was when the second roll or flap showed up caused by a little more weight, aging, and little exercise. So some extra weight is not that much of a problem for me but I do have my personal limits when a certain undesirable body style develops and nothing is done about it.
I am also aware of the pot calling the kettle black. I am not perfect and if I was I don’t expect others to be perfect. Even if I was much lighter, another person’s weight is beyond my control and I doubt I could influence then very much.
I had another long reply with lots of feelings associated to weight / sexual desire but lost the post.
