Boy am I glad you nipped onto my thread. I try to be resiliant but underneath it, atm I am very down. I just tell myself there is nothing I can do so I might as well ignore it and just carry on carrying on.
We went on a picnic today with my friend and her American boyfriend and her S 20 months and that was nice, but I did feel a bit sad because they were being all lovey and stuff in front of me. I've forgotten what it feels like to have someone that cares how I feel.
On the plus side, there were some other mothers there at this picnic so they started asking me questions about breast feeding because of the book I wrote on the subject, and I was answering a few of their questions which took my mind off the whole 'nobody loves me' pity thing.
Another friend also said they would do a tea party for DD4 on Thursday as a belated birthday bash, so that will be nice.
I also decided to get rid of my sofa as X chose it so I asked friend's American bf if he would lift it into my garden for me. He did, and now it's raining on it!
Have got a new bright red imitation leather sofa arriving tomorrow - really modern and not at all me. I'm a natural sort of person and like earthly sort of furnishings so this is like 180 on what I would have done before. I can't afford it, of course, but don't have to pay for it for a year so I hope my books will have earnt me enough to cover it by then.
My next plan is to get rid of the bed we slept in - it was the 'marital' bed and I just don't like sleeping in it now, but can't afford a new bed so that one will have to wait.
I've also decided to start going to the pub in the evenings when X has DD4.
