My attitude is that people who try to help themselves deserve chances.
My X doesn't try to help himself and he always blames me for his failings. IF he ever acknowledged he needs help and made an effort to improve, I would forgive him.
As long as he continues on his present path, he will not be getting more chances from me. I need to see him making a genuine effort to address his issues, or I am staying single.
I think DB is a good idea but in manipulative individuals it can be used by the WAS as a means of walking on the LBS. Validation has it's place but can be over-used, as can post separation sex.
If the sitch is protracted, validation and intimacy can be taken for granted and the WAS can get complaceant, and end up using the LBS.
I am now past the stage where I can try on my own and I won't validate him when he shows so little respect for me.
I don't believe he's malicious, I just think he's mentally screwed up. If he asks for help with his mental health issues, I will help him, but since he is in total denial of his behaviour, there is nothing I can do except get tough and look after me.
As for other men, they are not on the agenda. If you don't go out with anyone, you can't get heart broken. If you don't get married, you can't get a divorce.
I am happier and can manage my life better as a single woman, and I think sex and relationships are over-rated anyway.
Re more contact with the kids, I wouldn't do that more until he gets control of his temper as I can't risk more outbursts in front of them, it's too damaging for them. Peace for them is more important, and I have to make sure that they are not subject to events similar to last week (which they were on a regular basis in the beginning and that's why I decided a one parent family was less cruel than 2 fighting parents family).
I will dip my toe in a little and see what happens next time.
