That's because you're making these changes for you, not her. Primarily GAL is about YOU, to make you a better person.
You cannot be responsible for someone else's happiness. If she fails to notice the person you are becoming, that is her problem, not yours.
Just as I have moved on mentally and professionally in a lot of ways and Andy is still stuck with the same cycle of insecurity followed by negative outburst. I cannot make him see the person I am, nor can I make him see how his behaviour and responses to me have just been 'stuck' for years.
It is his problem if he cannot see the beauty in me and the same goes for your wife. If she's still caught up in past actions, cannot forgive you and persists in her D drama then she will be the one who loses out.
Forgiving yourself does not mean that others will forgive you - you cannot control her actions. It just means you have a greater chance of being happy.
Someone wrote that an affair is an 'embodiment of entitlement fuelled by a lack of respect' - well, I think the same goes for any WAS, affair or not. Their actions are fuelled by a lack of respect.
I also think that all WAS's including your W are depressed, like some type of breakdown. You have this life that you think is going well and then suddenly - BOOM - it falls apart.
From reading about your W and her vindictive attorney letter's and then expecting you to pay for them, well, these are the actions of a depressed person.
My X did the same. He still does the same because he isn't happier after a D like he thought he would be. He thinks he can use lawyers and even get physically threatening because of this depression and distinct lack of respect for me.
She won't see you for who you are until she changes herself.
It takes 2 to break up a marriage no matter how much the WAS blames us.
