ZB, What does desire for change have to do with anything? My kids do not desire to change their ways but I force the issue anyway. There are a number of ways to do this--by force, by bribery, by manipulation (negative), or by positive reinforcement, setting clear boundaries with appropriate punishment, etc.
You might say, Well I'm not her dad. Right you are, but still the dynamic is the same, right? People change all the time and many times they had NO desire to do so.
When I first married, MrHP babied me and did everything. His reasoning was that I was too precious or something to have to do anything. Although I knew this was not right, in some philosophical sense, I went along with it cause it sooo worked for me. After a few years of this, he tired of it and made a stand that things had to change. Lemme tell you: I did NOT desire to change this dynamic. It worked quite nicely for me.
At the same time, I realized that there was no reciprocity in our relationship and that it couldn't continue like this indefinitely. So out the window it went.
It took a while for me to become accustomed to the new setup. AND it took a while for my ex-control freak husband to understand that I was not going to do things precisely the way he liked them. IOW, I was a person also, who had desires and preferences and ideas about how things should be run. So he had to give up a little of his control but, in return, he became absolved of having to do absolutely everything around our house. (I am talking about laundry, cleaning, etc)
Nowadays the pendulum has swung so far the other way, it is a running gag with us. I do everything in the house (as I am a SAHM) with the exception of yardwork and car maintenance. He does give the kids a bath most nights and for that I am eternally grateful.
I guess my point is that desire to change is not necessary. If it were, NOBODY would ever change cause who likes to change. Not I.
This is an excuse you are using to avoid the sucky prospect of confronting your wife's selfishness.
