Quote: Anyway, what I wanted to say is that I like his style of aggression. I do not and never have wanted alpha male type aggression. If you have any suggestions for how to communicate this--should the topic come up again for discussion--please do not hesitate to tell me what to do.
HP, I don't have a specific answer to this. Our process (as usual) involved a lot of conversations. I think as time goes by and you express to him and build upon what you do like in him, the other tends to fade away or at least be supplanted.
If you feel inclined and a good time reveals itself, you might let him know what you think now of what was said and done then. How it might have left him with the wrong impression. And what your true thoughts and opinions of him now are.
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Again, thanks for sharing this. How interesting to see "the other side".
Incidentally, I am not sexy in the way you described either. I'm not particularly graceful in my body movements. If I had thought that my husband was referring to that kind of sexiness, I'd have been way intimidated myself.
That was probably part of the problem. I was substituting my assumptions, preconceptions, ideas and insecurities on what that might be. I think I pictured something in my head as the equivalent of Rita Hayworth and/or Sara Mclachlan - something conjured up by Hollywood and seductive music, I guess.
Interestingly enough, I read an interview on Hayworth in which she bemoaned her relationships. She iterated that every man that fell in love with her, fell in love with the sexy woman she portrayed in her movies - and what they actually ended up with was her. And they were inevitably disappointed and the relationship soured.
Mr. HP, if he has something in mind, probably finds it so nebulous that he couldn't describe it, can't put his finger on it and if you can't pin it down accurately, how can you ever give expression to it? Hence being left with the feeling that you can never measure up.
In our case, what it actually boiled down to was what you have been wanting from your spouse - obvious evidence that he was wanted. The sense of there being some impossible to attain goal has faded somewhat as we have continued working on us.
