I have had good results in doing what MrsNOP is suggesting. I don't recall using those exact words or technique but I have basically stopped allowing the discussion to take place whereby he states that he is not good at something and that is that. He can either try to be good at it, or stop saying it.
There was a....falsity to our relationship when I would try to pump him up. His words were, after all, true and he and I both knew that they were. I was not doing any favors by responding the way I did.
In addition to that, there was a short period in the beginning of our marriage in which I was princess-ing all over the place and he used to tell me that it was the way it should be, etc. We both knew this was false and it did not do anything to help me or the marriage grow.
I believe that ZB's response keeps his wife stuck because it lets her off the hook. She hooks herself up into a position of potential change and he gently pulls her back down and essentially says, You are fine the way you are.
If he were to stop unhooking her, she might be inclined to do something different. There is something about your partner forcing you to grow up that is liberating. It also creates a sense of respect for your partner. Lying to someone--and having them accept it and say "there there, it's okay"--really does a number on how you view them.
I like MrsNOP's approach because it is both kind and gentle but forward-moving at the same time.
Yeah she says it so that she won't ever be expected to change, but that is not really the point right now. A little reciprocity is in order here and starting small may help her get accustomed to his body and to the idea of giving BACK.
