Quote: THe books don't help much simply because she's way to embarrassed to even consider opening them, even if they are in line with the religious teachings.
I take it there were no marriage consultations before marriage? When my daughter got married a couple of years ago, the pastor who led the ceremony met with them several times to counsel them. Sex, finances, children, budgets, entertainment, work ethics, spirituality - were all topics considered.
Some people, for religious reasons, do turn away from screen portrayals of sex, and avoid public discussions of sex. Folks that I know who do this aren't embarrassed as much as they are following through with the deeply held belief that such is wrong and they shouldn't participate. Does your wife think these things are "wrong" and therefore should be avoided?
I can understand how discussing your own sexuality or specific sex even with your spouse can have a certain sense of embarrassed vulnerability for some.
But, I'm having a hard time understanding how reading in the privacy of your own home, church sponsored information about marital sex can be "embarrassing". Or how discussing sex in general with your spouse is overwhelming to the point that it must be avoided.
Has she been embarrassed about being pregnant in public? Embarrassed and refused to discuss birthing and all the exposure that entails?
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Still trying to figure out a way to help her over her hangups about sex. I'm all ears if you have ideas. Mrs.NOP? Right now I am trying to encourage her to tell me what she thinks of when she thinks of sex or what she'd like to try different, etc. So far very little response other than a hint that she does have those thoughts occasionally...that alone is a major breakthrough folks!
My first thought is that getting her to talk specifically about her sexual thoughts/feelings should probably come secondary to being able to talk to her about sex in the general.
Talking about sex in general isn't difficult for me. For instance, the recent research indicating that female ability to orgasm during intercourse has a strong genetic factor to it, as opposed to it being cultural or nurture. It's science, it's news, it's not something that I'm having to pull from my inner core. I take it that your wife would not be able to chat about something as generic as that?
Talking about sex specific to *me* is still hard. The discomfort doesn't come necessarily for the topic, as much as it comes from the feeling that I am revealing myself and that is not something I do easily. Sometimes it's because I don't have an answer to the question. For ex. if asked specifically "what are your sexual fantasies" - my discomfort level is going to skyrocket. I could come up with *one* very vague something from my teenage years - but then I'm going to feel like the kid who finds himself in a class he never attended, just as the tests are being handed out.
So, with that in mind, I don't see how pursuing a "tell me your specific sexual thoughts" is going to be conducive if she can't even discuss sex in general.
Since you have children, it might be a good generic place to start by appealing to her that the two of you as parents have a God-placed responsibility to prepare your children for marriage. And you two of you have to "research" it.
