ZB, My sitch was less dramatic than your W's but nevertheless my H and I understood for a number of years that it took me longer to O than it took him. My H was very attentive to me and wanted to bring me to O before actual IC. It began to seem to me that that was just how it was (and without any conversations about it with other women, I assumed that my experience might be typical) - it was easy for him to O and harder for me so it was natural that "we" ie H would spend more time on foreplay. I think it was both dense and self-centered of me. But I think that my H helped perpetuate the routine too by not saying anything. He did enjoy arousing me and it was arousing for him as well but still it was lopsided. Perhaps it was as he aged and his erections became less dependable that it finally became important to him to assert himself. I can't turn back the clock, but wish I had understood more about this earlier. As it is now, we have a much more reciprocal relationship. I understand that it is not so automatic for him - he has needs too. Now we often take turns being the first to come, because if it takes too long for me, he may get tired out and it may not happen at all for him. And the timing of things is just the tip of the iceberg. Although he can usually come with plain vanilla sex he would enjoy spicier sex, and sometimes, these days, the spice may be necessary to get him over the top. How can I not try harder now? He has given so much to me over the years. It does no good to dwell on the past, but it would have been better for both of us to have started this process earlier. We would have had more time to enjoy the journey.
ZB, the bottom line is you gotta be more straight with your W. But start with baby steps.
DogLover
Quote: Maybe it’s fishing for the compliment that I inevitably give her when I reassure her that she is a good lover when I answer with the, “That’s OK, Honey” that MrsNOP mentioned. All I can say for sure is that the responses I’ve given in the past haven’t resulted in any change. So this looks like another golden opportunity to employ Michele’s advice: if what you’re doing isn’t working…
Zufriedengestellter Bube
There are many wise, empathetic and funny people here: you are my buddies - I'm grateful for your support.
