ZB, I can't imagine any reputable C discussing one patient with another, doubly so if they know each other. That would be a serious breach of ethics. Your mom probably just picked it up from being around her for a zillion years.
(Recently my mom told me that she had been keeping a big, deep, dark secret all these years. I got kind of worried and excited at the same time... was she going to tell me that my dad was not my biological father? Finally I pried it out of her: she said she had never enjoyed sex. I didn't tell her, but for anyone who lived under our roof, that was NO secret! )
I really liked Mrs. NOP's comments about when your W says she is a terrible lover, you tell her specific things she can do that will make her a better lover (like rubbing your back)... BUT
Here's the (excuse the expression) BIG BUT...
Are we sure she wants to become or be considered a Good Lover?
That's the conundrum that Mrs. NOP's excellent suggestion discloses: I think your W is saying "ZB is a good lover and I'm a terrible lover, but that's who I am and I don't plan to change."
Does she see sexiness as a desirable quality in a woman? I don't think she considers being a Good Lover something a woman should aspire to. If even your mom thinks her ideas about sex are weird, I'll wager she doesn't want to be sexy OR a good lover.
Picture a situation where a tomboyish girl and a pretty-in-pink girlie girl get into a fight. They roll around on the ground pulling each other's hair. Finally, they break it up. The tomboy says to the girlie girl, "Wow! You are a really good fighter!" And the other girl twirls around in a huff and stomps off, snorting over her shoulder, "Well you may think it's a good thing for a girl to be a good fighter, but I DON'T! I will never fight with you again, and you can't make me!"
(I'll address the weight/body size issue in a new thread.)
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