OK it sounds as thought there are a lot of positives in your M, and your problems are mostly very specific to your sexual R.
In a way, that should make it easier because 1) you should have a reservoir of good will and good feelings between you based on the rest of your R and 2) you know exactly the aspect of your R that you need to work on.
However, it is hard because your W has some major hangups re sex. I think MrsNOP's suggestions that you should be very specific in your requests to her are good. This should be coupled with an explanation of how her lack of initiative and lack of attending to your pleasure, makes you feel. Though if she is narcissistic, she may not empathize with your hurt feelings. Regardless of whether she empathizes, she needs to understand how important this is to you.
I don't think it is right for her to view the descriptions of you as a "good lover" and herself as a "terrible lover" as permanent and unchangeable. It seems to me that that is a copout on her part.
Given that you feel she has come a long way, has in her way tried to step up to the plate, and that your sexual R has improved greatly over what it used to be, you may want to take very small steps, but take them nevertheless.
Also, you haven't said if you and your W are followers of any particular religious faith. If so, or in any case, perhaps there are some marital counselling tapes, videos, or books which might help both of you, especially your W, and might fit with your W's conservative views of what is OK to do. GonnaGoBlind might have suggestions on this.
Doglover
Quote: Doglover,
Where to begin…
W will not MB. She finds the whole concept distasteful. I believe “sick” is the word I’ve heard her use. The same goes for touching herself during IC. Touching yourself is sick and twisted. Only sick-os and perverts do that. She does initiate once in a while. I can’t really give you any hard numbers though. It’s probably less than 25%, but that’s just a guess.
I know that this doesn’t sound true, but we really don’t have a lot of problems in our R other than sex. We already do many, many things together and are best friends. We have joy. We have fun. We love getting rid of the kids and having time to ourselves. We’re frequently physically affectionate: hugging, holding hands, walking arm-in-arm, kissing, etc. ...
Zufriedengestellter Bube
There are many wise, empathetic and funny people here: you are my buddies - I'm grateful for your support.
