Hi TS- in my own personal experience (I'm 57 and have been in several long term relationships, and several short term ones over the years), I have never REGULARLY had an O without DIRECT clitoral stimulation-- never regularly. (It has happened a few times-- those times seem to me accidental and out of the ordinary.) I consider the need for clitoral stimulation with hand, tongue, or object perfectly "normal"-- it is at least statistically normal.

I don't make any distinction between clitoral or vaginal O-- maybe some people can find a difference. I know that an O that happens with clitoral stimulation WHILE something is in the vagina (animate or inanimate) feels different. Depending on what is in there, the O might be more or less intense, powerful, strong, etc. As a general rule, an O when the vagina is empty feels deeper and stronger, I guess because the contractions can contract farther since nothing is blocking them.

As for which "comes" first, the chicken or the egg (which kind of O has to happen first), I think it's more a matter of what our bodies learned... from self-play, partner play, IC. I had a bf over 30 years ago who could not come with oral, and rarely with IC-- not enough stimulation. Pretty brisk manual stim with no lube was his cup of tea, so to speak. That's what he learned.

One advantage of having had several long term partners (and being old-- thanks, hairdog ) v. one long R to the same person is that I can point to differences among them that all are "normal" for each person.