Quote: Why do you feel like you "should" be satisfied?
I don’t know. Maybe it’s just empathy. I’m looking at it from what I perceive to be her POV. She’s never had much of a sex drive. She’s obviously very uncomfortable with the whole sex thing: doing it, talking about it, anything. She’s alleged some kind of sexual abuse. She’s admitted to hating men. And so on and so forth. There are some serious sexual hang-ups and sexual dysfunctions going on here. We went for years with nothing but occasional HJ’s. We went for even more years with twice a year duty sex. I may be projecting my personality onto her, but were I in her position, I would feel that I had done quite a bit of stretching. I would feel that my S had no justification to complain.
The rest of your post is spot on. She does sometimes feel sexual desire. But she gets no physical stimulation from IC. She wants oral and that’s what she gets. The IC is just something she does for me.
I don’t know about being scared, but there’s no doubt at all that she feel inadequate and she has told me that she’s no good at sex. I’ve tried to be supportive of her efforts and I’ve tried to dispel the notion that she’s not good at it, but alas, she still feels that way. I agree that it’s something we need to tackle together, but I don’t know how.
Stimulating her during IC is another thing I would like to do but don’t know how. With the aforementioned weight problem, I just don’t see how it’s physically possible in the positions that are “allowed”. I can’t do it in the missionary position, and on those rare occasions that we roll her on top, her stomach prevents access to the bits.
And finally, I don’t want to communicate my creeping dissatisfaction to her. She’s already feeling inadequate and feeling that she’s not good at sex. She’s already stretched herself quite a bit in order to address my needs/desires. Maybe I’m just trying to protect her from something from which she doesn’t need protecting, but I don’t want to add fuel to her feelings of inadequacy. Or maybe it’s just the old conflict avoider whispering again…
