Yeah, an instruction manual would be nice. You know, I do appreciate the effort W is making. It’s a big, big leap from twice a year let’s-get-it-over-with duty sex to once a week where, even though she doesn’t appear to get any physical pleasure from it, she does seem to get some satisfaction from giving me pleasure. At some level, I really feel like I should be happy with that. And a lot of the time, I am happy with that. But I’ve had both, and sex with a woman who wants to please you isn’t even close to having sex with a woman who really wants to do it. KWIM?
JJ,
You bring up some interesting questions. My answers might not make sense in the cold, hard, light of day, but I’ll just give you the gut reaction responses.
Why would I expect myself to continue endlessly happy with the status quo? A couple of reasons. One, as I told GGB, W has made tremendous progress. I honestly feel that I should be able to accept that. With vastly different appetites for anything, there has to be compromise. By definition, compromise means that each side gives until they meet somewhere in the middle. W has increased our frequency by something around 2500% - shouldn’t I be willing to accept a 50-66% decrease in my frequency expectations? Otherwise, I’m asking her to make all the changes while committing to none myself.
Second, I don’t want to present a moving target. How would MW take it if you told him that you want it once a week, then when he started doing it once a week, you told him that it had to be twice a week to satisfy you? What about when you upped that target to once a day? Then twice a day? On this very BB we’ve seen, or at least heard about more than one LDS who complained that their efforts would never be enough to satisfy the HDS. I don’t want to do that.
Do I think my expectations are unreasonable? No, I really don’t. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect to have sex with your spouse a couple of times a week. No, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect that if your S expects you to go down on them, then they should be willing to return the favor. But different people have different perceptions of what’s reasonable. W may very well think that expecting sex more than once a week is completely unreasonable. She very obviously believes that expecting her to put my d!ck in her mouth is unreasonable. So I suppose this one comes down to which of us is defining reasonable doesn't it? Why should my definition trump hers?
And finally, even if you could offer unequivocal proof that oral sex is a standard sexual practice in every single M in the country (except mine), I still wouldn’t feel any differently about it. It’s really just a variation of the old, “why would you want to f*ck someone who doesn’t want to f*ck you” question. Why would I want W to do something that she so obviously finds abhorrent? Yes, I would enjoy it – but at what cost?
