I think the problem is you are expecting too much from yourself, not your wife. Why should you expect yourself to continue endlessly happy with the status quo in your marriage? OTOH you are expecting too little from yourself if you are not willing to keep working at having a marriage that you are happy with. Do you think your expectations are unreasonable?

Let's narrow it down to just one issue; the fact that your W will not perform oral sex. The sex columnist who is syndicated in one of my local papers has stated that oral sex is part of standard sexual practice in our culture and anyone who is not getting any has the right to be disgruntled. Does knowing this make you feel better?

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver