I’ve decided that I need a new thread to go with my new name. Things have really been going pretty well with W and our SL, so I’m no longer WB, but ZB. Zufriedengestellter, like Bube, is German. Roughly translated, it means contented. Or maybe satisfied. As such, it may be a bit inaccurate, but overall I’m feeling much happier with my sitch. I just have a few questions for some of the old-timers here.
First, once some measure of success has been achieved, does it ever get out of the maintenance mode? I’ve seen several people here remarking about their S backsliding and them having to work to maintain the progress they made. I’ve seen SuperDave, Tim47/49, and several others who reported tremendous progress kind of drift away, then pop back in and mention how they’re still struggling with the same issues.
As I told CeMar a couple of weeks ago, there are things I want that I can all but guarantee I’ll never have in this R. But rather than dwelling on those, I try to focus on the positives. I’ve been doing that a lot lately, but it’s sometimes really hard. So the first question was about the W slipping back into old patterns; this one is about me slipping back into old patterns. Recently, I’ve been feeling some of the old anger and resentment creeping back in.
Our SL is still light years ahead of where it was when I found this place. I said that during my years of little or no sex, I wanted it all the time, but I predicted that once we started to ML on a regular basis, that constant craving would lessen. I believe that I predicted that 2-3 times a week would be about what I wanted and that I could be satisfied with once a week. Well, I’ve been at the once a week level for almost a year now and I can say that my prediction was absolutely correct: I seem to be good for 2-3 days after we ML before I start feeling the old feeling. I do, however, recognize the effort W has made and is still making, and I can live with once a week.
The problem now is that I feel my attitude slipping. Most of you know my sitch: we are ML, but it’s still always by her rules. It’s always a weekend morning. It’s always missionary position. Oral is strictly a one-way street – and it’s not my direction. Things have been SOOOOO much better this past year. I’ve been fairly satisfied. So why am I feeling resentful? Why can’t I take the good and accept that I’ll never get a BJ? Why can’t I accept that W loves me, continues to make a tremendous effort to meet my needs, and does it for me? I feel a bit like CeMar: I want the desire.
Is this just one of those inevitable cycles? How do I beat this? Would I be justified in asking W for more – knowing the effort she has already made? Intellectually, I know that W will never have the desire for sex that I do. So why do I keep expecting that of her? Shouldn't I recognize that she's given a lot and I have to give as well?
I don't know, I'm just having a real hard time right now. I want more, but I honestly don't feel justified in asking for more. I've been pretty content for this past year. Why am I losing that? How can I reverse it? Maybe instead of 'content', I should have changed my name to 'should be content'.
