Last weekend my wife dropped the bomb that she no longer loves me and....
Tonight she was out and after I had put the kids to bed I anxiously called a friend to talk about it. My 7yr old daughter snuck down and heard pretty much all of the details. I found out when she came down crying with a picture of mommy and daddy and her and her brother. I was and am horrified. I'm new to this whole painful experience and our kids live in happy bliss so now I've screwed things up worse. I quickly walked her back up to bed and sat with her and wiped off her tears. Then came the lies. "Daddy was talking about someone else. Mommy and daddy love each other." She kind of bought it but the details were all there in her head. A head that has recently become super smart and attentive to her parents and the world around her.
So for damage control I need to talk to my wife but my thinking is this. 1. not make a big deal out of it. 2. I (we) need to reinforce those things that are true, like that we love her and that we will always be there for her. and 3. that she needs to give us some privacy to talk about adult things - whatever they are - and she has a responsibility to do that so that she doesn't upset her younger brother or sister.
That's all I can think of at the moment. I'm sick to my stomach over this and the "bomb" as you can imagine. Any experience would be appreciated.
What's done is done - but never lie to your children. If you can't bust this divorce - Which You CAN! - the lies are just more emotional baggage your kids will have to deal with.
Start applying DB techniques immediately, acting as if, trying something different, doing 180s. Not only will they save your M, they will comfort your kids. I've had more success with my children using DB techniques than I've had with my W.
I'm in the same boat. My 7 year old son hasn't overheard anything other than arguements, but he's on to something being not right, mostly because my wife has stopped being demonstrative towards me (she dropped the bomb on May 1st). Now, I have started DBing since then, and things have gotten a tiny bit better since then, but the repercussions are effecting my son. He's developed a nervous blinking habit that gets so bad sometimes that his teacher called to ask us about it. I'd hate to think how he'd be if we split up. He's a very sweet and sensitive boy, and he'd likely be crushed. 90% of my effort to save my marriage right now is coming from my love for my two boys, because right now my feelings just aren't their for my wife (but I'm working on it - I'm doing the "Act like your a loving spouse until you really are," technique, and strangely it actually works.
